Feedback round2

Hi Amy,

Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.

• I was having issues with those first two sentences. I know what I want to convey in my head but getting down into something that makes sense has been a bit of a struggle! That bit is still a work in progress, like the rest of my page.
• I'll work on that and include some examples.
• Thanks for the extra sources!

For the second section:

• Do you mean I've linked them too much or not enough? I've tried to link to relevant pages when each event is mentioned for the first time. I didn't want to over do it but maybe it is necessary to link every mention for the biggies.
• Thanks! There is a lot of content out there but a lot of it is gruesome (eg. archival images of dead bodies). I tried to stay away from images that could be potentially upsetting but I have some from ICC tribunals/trials that I will be adding.
• Definitely - its on my "to do" list.

Thanks again :)

Those two sentences are tricky. The good ideas are always the most difficult to capture just right. I know exactly what you're trying to get at though.

What about if you start that whole section with "Many archives of genocide…" (all the way to the video) and move the idea you're trying to capture in the first two sentences down. Make them the conclusion to the section. Maybe by leading with the concrete stuff it will help set you up to write out a revised version of broader concept you're illustrating in those two sentences. Does that make sense? It's an idea. See if you think it helps?

Thanks for the help! I cleaned up the section a bit. Those sentences have been fleshed out, with parts moved to other sections, but the remaining part is still at the top of the section. It could be moved though. If you have time, let me know what you think - No worries if not!

That reads as a lot more concrete to me at least.

Great, thanks!