Feedback round2

Hi Marisa,

I've taken another close look at what you have up so far, and have a couple last suggestions for your section Memory and Testimony. Take them or leave them, of course, as you do your last bits of writing and tweaking.

• Your use of the word analog is a bit confusing. You say analog records "could be considered witnesses themselves," and then that analog records function in conjunction with witness testimonies. What exactly do you mean by analog records? Is there a more concrete term you could replace 'analog record' with? Or list a few examples after your first sentence in this section? The rest of the section is great, it's just the introductory sentences that throw me off.
• On that same note, I totally understand what you're trying to get at in your sentence “As places and programs, archives contain the memories and experiences of genocide survivors in addition to evidence of genocide" is rather vague. And "Contain the memories" is very conceptual. Is there a way of tweaking word choice and maybe elaborating on this idea more to make it more straightforward and concrete? It's a crucial idea to include in this section and I think with a couple of examples and concrete language it will easily develop into something clearer.
• I'd recommend a citation regarding oral histories are being conceived of as active witnesses as it is particular to the field of memory studies. James Edward Young, “Holocaust Video and Cinemagraphic Testimony” in Writing and Rewriting the Holocaust: Narrative Consequences of Interpretation (1988) or Dori Laub, “Bearing Witness of the Vicissitudes of Listening,” in Testimony: Crisis of Witnessing in Literature, Psychoanalysis, and History eds. Shoshana Felman and Dori Laub (1992) could be useful.

Also,

• You probably working on this, but extra linking. Including the biggies: Holocaust, Armenian Genocide, Rwandan Genocide
• Not a suggestion but a comment: I liked seeing the addition of pictures and especially video! They really support your written content. If you have time and are able to find ones you can use, a few more would be a nice final touch.
• I'd recommend quickly stating who the Dictionary of Genocide is written by (as in "listed in the Dictionary of Genocide, written/published/what have you by …". This is kind of a funny thing, an indexing of sensitive and potentially contentious events. I think it would be beneficial to have who authored it in the body of the Wiki rather than just in the reference.

This page going to be really great. I'm genuinely looking forward to reading your sections under construction!

Hi Amy,

Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.

• I was having issues with those first two sentences. I know what I want to convey in my head but getting down into something that makes sense has been a bit of a struggle! That bit is still a work in progress, like the rest of my page.
• I'll work on that and include some examples.
• Thanks for the extra sources!

For the second section:

• Do you mean I've linked them too much or not enough? I've tried to link to relevant pages when each event is mentioned for the first time. I didn't want to over do it but maybe it is necessary to link every mention for the biggies.
• Thanks! There is a lot of content out there but a lot of it is gruesome (eg. archival images of dead bodies). I tried to stay away from images that could be potentially upsetting but I have some from ICC tribunals/trials that I will be adding.
• Definitely - its on my "to do" list.

Thanks again :)

Those two sentences are tricky. The good ideas are always the most difficult to capture just right. I know exactly what you're trying to get at though.

What about if you start that whole section with "Many archives of genocide…" (all the way to the video) and move the idea you're trying to capture in the first two sentences down. Make them the conclusion to the section. Maybe by leading with the concrete stuff it will help set you up to write out a revised version of broader concept you're illustrating in those two sentences. Does that make sense? It's an idea. See if you think it helps?

Thanks for the help! I cleaned up the section a bit. Those sentences have been fleshed out, with parts moved to other sections, but the remaining part is still at the top of the section. It could be moved though. If you have time, let me know what you think - No worries if not!

That reads as a lot more concrete to me at least.

Great, thanks!