Course:CSIS200/2024/Love on the Spectrum: Infantilism and the Desexualization of Autistic People

Abstract

Autistic writer, artist, and student, Jubilee Carr-Braint’s article on Love on the Spectrum and how the infantilization on the show can contribute to the larger issue of autistic and ultimately disabled desexualization. Jubilee believes that while the show may have had good intentions, the interpretation that the audience gains of autistic people does more harm than good.

Autistic pride flag. It is a gold infinity symbol. The infinity logo, after the neurodiversity rainbow infinity logo, is gold, as the element on the periodic table for gold is Au, like Autism.

Terminology

Terminology	Explanation
Autism spectrum disorder	Autism spectrum disorder or autism is a developmental disorder (meaning it often impacts a person during their development. It’s also called a neurodevelopmental disorder, as it is in the mind) that impacts a persons ability to communicate and interact. Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning it can present differently across a wide variety of people. For example: Korey has autism. They are semi-verbal, meaning that they speak though it is infrequent and dependent. One of their favourite things is anthropology. They hate loud sounds and require headphones when they go out of the house. They tend to be blunt and quiet when they speak, and often don’t blink and stare. Angie is also autistic. She likes loud music and painting. She’s hyper-verbal, meaning she speaks a lot, and she often struggles to control her volume, meaning she is often yelling without realizing. Angie and Korey are both autistic but present very differently. This is because autism is a spectrum disorder. They both struggle to communicate and interact with the world around them, and struggled with typical development when they were children, often missing or overshooting typical developmental milestones such as speaking and reading.
Neurotypical	Someone who does not fall under the neurodivergent umbrella.
Neurodivergent	Someone who does fall under the neurodivergent umbrella
Disability	“A disability is any condition of the body or mind (impairment) that makes it more difficult for the person with the condition to do certain activities (activity limitation) and interact with the world around them (participation restrictions).” (CDC.gov)
Inter-abled	A couple, often a romantic/sexual relationship (though can be any.) in which one person is disabled and the other is able-bodied/neurotypical.
Able-bodied	A person whose body is not disabled. This means that they do not have a disability or health condition
Caucasian	Someone who is white.
Infantilizing	Treating someone as though they are a child or less mature than they are. This can be directly (Talking to someone like they are a child, explaining things to someone as though they are a child, etc) or indirect (viewing someone’s behaviour as adorable or wholesome. Seeing someone as innocent. Making a big deal out of small tasks that they have done before.) Infantilization is often uncomfortable and unwanted.
Caregiver	Someone who cares for another person. This can be in the regards of a family member, like a child’s parents, or it can be someone helping to care for someone who is elderly, ill, and/or disabled. For some autistic adults for instance, their mother will be their caretaker.
Mobility Aid	An item that is designed to improve the quality of life of someone with a movement based physical impairment/disability, however, this can also apply to some chronic illnesses. (Wheelchairs, forearm crutches, rollators/walkers, canes, white cane, power chair, flatfoot insoles, mobility scooter, etc)
Bodily Autonomy	Agency to make decisions and be in control of oneself. This is when someone can make informed choices to do what they want with their body. Bodily autonomy is allowing someone the freedom to self-govern their body as they see fit. This does not apply to actions that infringe on the personal agency of others. For example, you cannot just punch people. You can, however, decide whether or not you want others to touch your hair.
Diagnosis	The result of an analysis and collection of symptoms by a medical professional. For example, if someone is diagnosed with anxiety, their doctor/mp must have taken them through a criteria of symptoms. With that result, it is found and now on their medical record that the person has anxiety.
Person first vs Identity first language	Person first: Commonly used when describing people. For example: Benjamin has autism. Identity first: Benjamin is autistic. This depends entirely on the person and which they may prefer. Many like myself prefer identity first as stating that I have autism implies it as apart from me, much like an ailment, when in reality it makes up a large portion of who I am.
Allistic	Someone who is not autistic. Can be neurodivergent (see above) but specifically does not have autism/ASD
Asperger’s	An outdated term formerly used to describe autistic folks who are often more verbal and not likely to be seen as different. This term is no longer used as the founder of the term and whom the diagnosis was named after, Hans Asperger, collaborated with the Nazis. Most therefore do not feel comfortable using the term, instead using autism, as Asperger’s was a diagnosis that fell under the Autism Spectrum. The term ultimately providing more division than inclusion. (Gillette)

Introduction

Autism is a complex topic. Upon mentioning it, many may already have an idea conjured in their mind. A Caucasian boy who likes trains, perhaps he doesn’t speak, who flaps his hands constantly. This is a common perception of autism, and while accurate for some, this stereotype of what every autistic person should look like is extremely harmful. After all, autism is a spectrum. The little boy who likes trains has autism, though so does the teenage girl who wears cat ears to school, and so does the elderly couple who have been living in the same place their entire lives, with three cats named after the Beatles.

Narrow perceptions of autism like this one, while seemingly absurd, cause large amounts of harm. Autistic children grow into autistic adults, and adults may want to have sex, autism or not! Agency is vital, and many autistic people, including myself, have been excluded, uneducated, or thought as completely separate from sexuality and sexual spaces due to widespread infantilism, regarding all autistic people as children and therefore withdrawing our ability to consent to sexual acts or even have those desires.

Love on the Spectrum, a reality TV show (inspired by the 2019 Australian TV show under the same title) was released to Netflix in 2022. It quickly gained popularity for it’s interesting premise, following adults of various ages on their journey to finding a romantic partner, which is made difficult, as those in the show are autistic/on the autism spectrum. For those who may be unaware, autism, or autism spectrum disorder, is a developmental disorder that impairs one’s ability to communicate and interact. (National Institute of Mental Health)

Love on the Spectrum (2022) had an interesting response from the public, scoring  an 8.3/10 on IMDB and an 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. The show received many reviews, featuring words such as wholesome, pure, lovely, beautiful, and innocent. While kind commentary, this perception of innocence in addition to the editing of the show further the widespread infantilism of autistic people, ultimately contributing to a narrative of desexualization that leads many autistic people to avoid sex completely, whether intentionally or not.

Love on the Spectrum

After deciding to work on this project, I sat down with myself and asked if I really wanted to watch an entire season of Love on the Spectrum. The premise, while seemingly innocent, was exactly as I expected and frankly dreaded. Innocent. The show is rather simple. Various autistic individuals explain to the audience their dating history and what they are looking for in a romantic partner, as well as their own interests. Often, they are accompanied by family, caregivers, or friends. The folks themselves are quite pleasant, with James being my personal favourite, as I thought he was funny and I could relate to him a lot. However, the production team and editing of the show are not so pleasant. From the strange chipper music you would find in a documentary about baby animals, to the use of the word special friend instead of romantic partner, Love on the Spectrum greatly infantilizes it’s participants and furthers these ideas of infantilism where there are hundreds of comments and reviews referring to fully grown adults just like themselves as wholesome, innocent, or adorable.

Infantilization

I have three main critiques on Love on the Spectrum and its infantilization, which I feel contribute the most to the overall widespread infantilization of the show and furthermore the desexualization of autistic people and disabled individuals as a whole. These being, their introductions and the involvement of family, musical cues, and how they speak to the people on the show. The characterization of infantilization and the method in which the show continues a narrative of innocence amongst it’s participants further a history of infantilization and the portrayal of autistic people as childish and therefore people without sexual desire, or incapable of such.

As the show begins, each character will have an introductory sequence, often accompanied by their parents or caregivers. This is meant to help the audience get a better sense of each person’s goals and aspirations and what they are seeking in a romantic relationship. Introductions are common in reality TV and often help the audience to decide who they are rooting for, and to establish likability amongst participants. However, Love on the Spectrum does this in a strange way. Throughout the show, there is a particular theme of music when showing autistic individuals. These two factors combined with the way the producers, loved ones, and fans speak about the participants is infantilizing and contributes to the larger problem of desexualization.

Introductions (with family/caregivers)

These strange introductions begin with Dani Bowman, an 26 year old woman who runs a successful animation company by the name of Danimation, in which she teaches autistic children ages eight and up how to animate. Dani begins to discuss her ideals when it comes to a relationship, though when the scene moves onto an introduction of Dani’s caregivers, her Aunt and Uncle, things take a strange turn, as Dani begins to state that she wishes to date someone financially stable, someone who manages a company just like she does. Her caregivers ask her if she is a gold digger, to which she responds yes. This could be a simple miscommunication on their part, as Dani may be unaware that a gold digger has negative connotations, (as this is not evident in the term for everyone) though Dani’s aunt quickly butts in, explaining that Dani’s dad was a stay at home father who did not work, while her mother worked. The aunt explains that this is something Dani is trying to avoid. This scene comes off as rather strange, as Dani’s aunt communicates her wants for her. This scene is further complicated by her apparent past with a practice boyfriend, in which, as the term suggests, she had a boyfriend whom she used for practicing certain skills she would need in a relationship, such as kissing. Her aunt is the one to bring this up, laughing with her husband and the recording crew about the situation. While a funny situation, it is important to remember that Dani is 26 years old now. And it is equally important to notice that before Dani turns the situation around, by uncomfortably practicing the kissing motion she learned from a YouTube video, mimicking licking the icing off of a cupcake to disturb her uncle, it seems as though she is being laughed at, rather than with.

Dani’s social difficulty, seen in having a practice boyfriend, while funny, is important, as Dani likely did not see the harm in it, and rather, wanted to learn how to be in a romantic relationship. As she was likely told growing up, practice makes perfect. This term isn’t supposed to refer to everything, and does not account for the social nuances that come with relationships, however, autistic people are expected to have the same “common sense” as neurotypicals do. This scene encapsulates the autistic experience of frequent misunderstandings, and while important that the show does not shy away from mentioning these social blunders, as they speak to the reality of living with autism, it is important that these things are mentioned in Dani’s control rather than at her expense.

Musical Cues

[1]

The Music on Love on the Spectrum, a short commentary by Jeremy Andrew Davis

As Davis points out with his many examples, Love on the Spectrum has similar audio cues to animal documentaries featuring newborn puppies, rather than grown adults who are looking for a romantic relationship. These musical choices, conscious or not, contribute to infantilization and make what is supposed to be a dating show feel more like some strange documentary/commentary on autistic people. These musical choices, when compared with soundtracks such as Love is Blind, Love Island, or even The Bachelor, do not contain this playful and awkward music, instead, often using no music at all, especially when it comes to moments between couples.

When they do use music, it is hip and has a sort of synth sound, making the scenes feel something like a beach party. This music allows the scenes to feel lighthearted and fun(Davis), however, the sound is drastically different from that of Love on the Spectrum. While seemingly subtle, music has a large effect on our perception of media, often setting the tones and themes for certain scenes (Howsley) The music used in Love on the Spectrum then makes scenes with autistic characters feel awkward and playful. This, while maybe true about individuals, is harmful when used broadly, and ultimately presents the participants in a childish manner to the audience.

Conversations and Belittling

Throughout the show, the narrative of autistic people being spoken for is continued. While often done by the caregivers or family members of the participants, this can even extend to the production team. Subodh is a good example of this, however, this applies to many of the participants, I will be focusing on Subodh. Subodh Garg is an autistic man, around 33 at the time of the first season, who is highly interested in travelling the world. Subodh is featured on the show often accompanied by his mother and sister. He is passionate in finding romance and describes himself as energetic, which I believe falls in line with the personality displayed in the show. However, Subodh is often not given the chance to speak for himself, often being spoken over whenever he is accompanied by family. Importantly, autism expert: Jennifer Cook, who is autistic herself, is often featured in these scenes. She is utilized to give advice regarding dating and relationships to the participants. However, with Subodh especially, I noticed a condescending nature to her speech. Specifically, in Episode 3 of Season 1, Cook asks Subodh about his dating goals and what he hopes to achieve. After Subodh describes this ideal, Cook goes onto say: “So you want to have a special friend?…Is that someone you would want to hug or kiss too?” This question is very infantilizing. The use of special friend as a term is like that of a school teacher speaking to an elementary schooler. It is made clear earlier in the episode that Subodh knows what a girlfriend and a relationship is, so the altering of her speech her is strange and belittling, especially considering she is speaking to a fellow adult. Additionally, while kind to check how Subodh would feel with intimacy, the way Cook goes about this assumes his knowledge base, as she presumes that Subodh may not know that relationships often include intimacy. This could be interpreted as kind or more accessible, though with the delivery it is instead patronizing and belittling.

Furthermore, similar treatment could be seen between James and his family, who often ask him questions or tease him to the point of irritability. While a silly dynamic in the home, an important aspect of this show is that this is not in the home, rather, it is a show, meaning that many others view this and have their own interpretations of certain groups of people built off of the representation they see in television. While James’ relationship with his parents and his special interest in the medieval can be played to be over the top and humorous, these perceptions impact the way people see and treat autistic people in the real world. Some may see the way James’ parents bug him and think that he may be intolerant, or, more likely, they will find it funny, and maybe believe they can also push that boundary, much like the way people coo over children. However, boundaries are dependant on the person, and James is a person with autonomy just like Subodh. He is capable of making his own choices and he is allowed to be upset over things. The music in the background of such scenes furthers the comedic value the production team is trying to convey.

Desexualization

Sexuality in regards to disability has been a longstanding topic within disabled communities as well as within the public sphere. It is a common situation that able bodied folks will violate the autonomy of disabled people: moving their mobility aids without asking, policing their diagnosis and what their disability means, and even interrogating them for their diagnosis. This invasive treatment is dehumanizing and infantilizing, working with the assumption that disabled adults do not have the same bodily autonomy as able-bodied/neurotypical adults.

This infantilism then leads to the forced asexuality of disabled people, as they view children as people without sexuality, they then view disabled people, whose sexualities are already highly stigmatized (Anders) as without sexuality as well. While not all disabled people are asexual, the ideal that being disabled means that you lack sexuality is a harmful idea perpetuated by modern beauty standards, lacking representation and lacking education (Payne)

Desexualization is often a result of infantilization or dehumanization. In Love on the Spectrum, the premise obviously strays away from the norms of dating shows. However, this is not the harmful part. Rather, the show portrays autistic people as the other, as something different— fundamentally different from allistic people. And much like animals or children, they are treated as less than. With this treatment, the participants are not regarded with sexuality in mind at all, despite sex being often an important part of romantic relationships (however, this is not to say all relationships have sex, or that only romantic relationships have sex. Rather, this is a generalization for the sake of a point. However, it is important to keep in mind these intricacies. Sex is not a requirement for any relationship but anyone should have the right to desire or not desire sex. This is about the agency to choose.) While shown kissing, and at most Dani regarding Solomon as hot, this is again portrayed as more of a fumble than a genuine expression of desire.

Love on the Spectrum furthers conceptions of disabled sexuality, which are rooted in ableism. These misconceptions are harmful and contribute to a system where disabled sex is not considered, and therefore not educated. This leads to higher rates of sexual violence or complete (unwanted) abstinence (Shah). Ableism like this withholds a persons right to decide what to do with their life, and often withholds the knowledge required to do it and do it safely. Disabled people, like everyone, have the right to pleasurable safe sex. Even autistic people.

Conclusion

Within Love on the Spectrum season 1, the introductions of participants, the musical cues, and the participant interaction with the allistics featured on the show create an infantilizing and mocking atmosphere, utllilizing discomfort or social blunders as comedy, speaking down to/over/for the participants, and pairing it with clumsy and awkward music, making what would be an ordinary autistic interaction seem funny, cute, or endearing. This infantilization ultimately furthers the forced desexualization and lack of sexual education for autistic people, a right that everyone should have and be able to choose whether to have sex or not in a safe and educated way. Infantilization harms everyone, as it furthers false narratives, reduces bodily autonomy, and increases harm for everyone.

Author

The author of this page is Jubilee Carr-Braint. Jubilee uses xe/xem or they/them pronouns. Xe is a disabled, autistic, indigenous (Mohawk) and queer writer and artist. Xe is a first year student in the arts who is interested in practically everything to do with it, though xe focuses on sexuality, disability, indigeneity, English, plurality, queer experiences, and generally whatever fits outside the norm. Jubilee was diagnosed at freshly eighteen with autism spectrum disorder, however knew xe was autistic since xe discovered what it was past the stereotypes. Xe decided to write this article out of xer interest on sexuality and how it pertains to autism, as xe feels that xer sexual education was lacking, especially due to xer autism, which made it difficult to simply go by common sense or pick up on small cues. Xe hopes to educate xer readers on disabled sexuality and to make able-bodied/neurotypical people aware of their inherent biases or incorrect ways of thinking, and to avoid judging things that you may not understand, and instead ask respectful questions if appropriate and do your own research using sites such as this. Remember that one persons experience does not encompass all experiences. As the saying goes, ‘if you have met one autistic person you have met one autistic person.’

Further readings/content

Are you interested in autistic media? Specifically more accurate interpretations or commentaries like these from actually autistic voices? Here are some of my recommendations! (If any content creators turn out to be problematic, I was unaware at the time of creating this.)

Chloé Hayden (YouTube, Instagram)

Chloé is an Australian Audhd creator on YouTube, Instagram, and one of the main characters in the Netflix show: Heartbreak High. Chloé is a very open creator and she has a very good book titled Different Not Less, which talks about her experiences with autism and various difficult life experiences. Chloé is inspiring and very joyful to watch.

Chloé’s Channel!

I’m Autistic, Now What? (YouTube)

I’m Autistic, Now What? posts autistic commentary videos on her experiences, internet trends, Tik Tok’s, and more! If you like informed reactionary content, she may interest you.

I’m Autistic, Now what?

Paige Layle (YouTube)

Paige Layle is a good autism advocate who additionally speaks on autistic sexuality from both a personal and educational perspective. Her content is very important for those of us autistic folks who are interested in sex but don’t know where to start as far as safe educational content goes.

Paige’s Channel!

Kaelynn Partlow (YouTube, Instagram, Tik Tok)

Kaelynn Partlow was a participant in Love on the Spectrum and posts about her career as someone who works with neurodivergent folks and her own experiences with autism.

Kaelynn’s Channel!

The Thought Spot (YouTube)

The Thought Spot is a calming place with neurodivergent-friendly and focused advice. They post both educational and reactionary content from an autistic perspective.

The Thought Spot

Cypopps (YouTube, Instagram)

Cypopps is an animation/art YouTuber who posts animated story times regarding their experiences with autism. Their content, albeit short form is very entertaining and relatable.

Cy’s Channel!

Illymation (YouTube, Instagram)

Illy is another animation/art YouTuber who posts about their life stories, from autism, to dating, to abusive relationships.

Illy’s Channel!

The Rachelistic Channel

Rachel is self-diagnosed Audhd (autism and adhd) and creates story time videos, explanations on autistic or neurodivergent terminology, and records her process of seeking a diagnosis. Her content can be really helpful and affirming especially for those of us who are undiagnosed.

Rachel’s Channel!