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Course:CSIS200/2024/Flying the Asexual Flag: History, Representation, and Community

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Author’s Bio

My name is Lauren de Vries (they/them) and I am a fourth year student at UBC studying psychology focusing on developmental psychology and interpersonal relationships. I am very passionate about sexuality studies, specifically the topic of asexuality. I personally identify as asexual and the journey to understanding and coming to accept that fact was challenging. Discussions of asexuality are extremely limited, especially in academic settings, so I hope to combat that through this project. My goal was to create a resource that I wish I had in high school while I was questioning my identity. I was inspired to make this project one day as I was looking at my asexual flag and realized how little I actually knew about the orientation’s history. I hope this work encourages others to engage with and celebrate the diverse spectrum of human experience.

I have included a box with definitions to ensure that anyone can follow along, regardless of their prior experience with this topic. The videos linked below could also be a great place to start! The first one provides a brief introduction to asexuality, and the second one highlights the wide spectrum of experiences and beliefs within the ace community.

In the final section about asexual joy, I have included some quotes that felt really powerful. My hope is that reading direct words from people who actually identify as asexual will leave more of an impression. Sure, anyone can research and analyze asexuality as a concept or orientation, but they cannot capture what it really feels like.

I hope that you will go into my project with an open mind and possibly leave with some more knowledge and compassion!

Terms

Orientations
Asexual A sexual orientation describing someone with little to no sexual attraction and/or desire (often shortened as “ace”) [1]
Allosexual People who are not ace, those who are sexual[2]
Aromantic A romantic orientation describing someone with little to no romantic attraction (often shortened as "aro")[2]
Demisexual People who experience sexual attraction only if a strong emotional bond is present first[1]
Grey-asexual People who experience sexual attraction sometimes or rarely, or at low intensity (sometimes written as greysexual)[1]
Sex-positive An ace person who sees sex as a positive and healthy thing[3]
Sex neutral An ace person who is generally uninterested in sex[3]
Sex-averse An ace person who finds sexual acts repulsive or problematic[3]
Concepts
Sexual attraction and romantic attraction Many people think of these two concepts in the same respect, but they have differences that are important in this conversation. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction do not always go hand in hand. Someone can feel both, one, or neither, and that is totally valid
Compulsory sexuality Refers to the ways in which desiring and engaging in sex is considered to be natural and normal, causing other forms of relationships and identities to be pathologized[4]. It assumes that everyone wants and desires sex
Amatonormativity The social hierarchy that normalizes and places sexual and romantic love and relationships above all else [4]. This can be harmful to those who do not desire a relationship
Monogamous A committed relationship with only one partner at a time
Queerplatonic relationship A non-sexual, non-romantic partnership with an emotional strength beyond friendship[5]

Introduction to the Asexual Flag and Asexuality

The asexual pride flag[6]
The logo for AVEN, a common symbol of the asexual community[7]

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is widely misunderstood. It is a spectrum that refers to a wide community of people who feel little to no sexual attraction.[8] Asexual people make up 1-6% of the world’s population,[9] though this number is likely higher. Asexuality is often considered the “invisible orientation” due to the lack of education and recognition it receives in conversations about sexuality.[1] The asexual flag (pictured on the right[6]), with its black, grey, white, and purple stripes, visually represents this community, serving as a beacon of visibility and pride. The common definition of asexuality coined by Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) describes it as a lack of sexual attraction, but is it really reducible to the absence of attraction or is it more than that?[4] Attraction is hard to define, and many people will have their own understanding of it, even within the same orientations. It is important to recognize how diverse the asexual community is and to be careful of any assumptions or misconceptions.

The asexual flag was created by the community through a voting process on the AVEN website (its logo can be seen to the right[7]). The user “standup” organized the process, feeling it was time for the orientation to have a flag to represent itself.[10] They opened a forum for people to post their ideas and suggestions on June 30, 2010, and the community jumped at the opportunity. It then went through several rounds of voting, and unfortunately, many of the flag images are no longer available on the site. The final results were announced on August 10, 2010, by user “bristrek”, with the winning design earning 41% of votes.[11] Through the voting, they also gathered some public opinions on the flag. 75% of voters expressed a desire to have a flag, 21% were neutral, and 4% were against the idea of a flag.[11] It is unclear why some were against the idea, but the vast majority were excited about this development. If you would like to read along with the voting process, you can follow this reference link.[10]

The colors of the asexual flag were chosen to represent different aspects of the orientation. The black stripe represents asexuality as a whole, the gray stripe represents gray-asexuality, and the white stripe represents demisexuality.[12] The purple stripe represents the importance of community and solidarity among asexuals and is the main color of AVEN. [12] The presence of the asexual flag in discussions about the community is not just symbolic but also a reminder of the progress made in recognizing asexuality as a valid orientation. The stripes together embody the diversity of this community, emphasizing unity and self-expression in a world that silences ace voices.


Video source: [13]

Historical and Cultural Context

Alice Hamilton and her three sisters[14]
The Kinsey scale[15]

The term asexual is a more modern development, but the concept of asexuality has been around for a long time. It can be challenging to find historical examples due to the lack of consistent language, but there are many asexual stories to be told.[2] In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, there were networks of feminist women who did not romantically partner. One such woman was Alice Hamilton (1869-1970) who remained single throughout her life, finding fulfillment in relationships that were not romantic or sexual in nature.[2] When her sisters (pictured to the left[14]) eventually found partners, she expressed concern and confusion over their relationships. In 1912, women with no interest in sex were identified as abnormal and labelled “sexually anaesthetic”.[2]

In 1948, Alfred Kinsey created a scale to map sexuality (pictured to the left[15]) with heterosexual on one end and homosexual on the other. He also formed the category of “X” for those who did not respond erotically to any of the stimuli.[4] “X” was placed outside of the spectrum as an outlier. It wasn’t until the late 1970s that the term asexual started to become more universally identified, with prior understandings lacking cohesion.[2] At this point, it was seen as a political position and not a sexual orientation. One of the first academic articles on asexuality came out in 1977, written by Myra Johnson. It regarded asexual women as neurotic, labelling their condition as a physical dysfunction.[2] In 1981, Michael Storm revised Kinsey's scale into a four-quadrant grid, adding bisexuality and asexuality into the conversation.[4] It was around this time that activists worked to remove asexuality as a sexual disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). When the internet became more mainstream in the 21st century, AVEN was created by David Jay in 2011. It allowed for community connection and opened conversations about the truths about asexuality as a sexual orientation. [2]


Asexuality as an Orientation

The demisexual pride flag[16]
The grey-asexual pride flag[17]
The aromantic pride flag[18]

Asexuality is an orientation, but also an umbrella term that can be used to refer to a variety of identities and experiences. Thinking of asexuality as simply not having sex fails to recognize the complexity of experiences present in this community.[9] Language can be helpful, but it can also place harmful expectations and assumptions on people.[19] It is important to note the difference between sexual desire and sexual attraction. While sexual attraction is typically directed at someone, sexual desire can be completely personal and does not require anyone but yourself.[9] When looking at sexuality more broadly, the spectrum goes from asexual to allosexual. The term allosexual is important, as its use helps to counter the assumption that everyone is sexual, avoiding viewing any one experience as more “normal” than another.[3] While many people consider sex as the most deeply erotic activity, an asexual lens could view the erotic as sharing any meaningful pursuit with someone else.[4] This view highlights how other forms of intimacy can be just as important as sex.

Anyone can be asexual, though a majority of ace people identify as women.[20] A survey on asexual people found that the majority of them were between the ages of 18 and 27. This is likely due to the relative recency of the term and can be expected to increase over time.[20] Many asexual people choose to use the term “ace” rather than “asexual”, as it feels more casual and less clinical.[19] Demisexual and grey-asexual are two common labels under the asexual umbrella. These identities are represented by the grey and white stripes in the asexual flag, but they also have their own unique flags (shown to the right[16][17]) and communities. The aromantic identity is closely linked to asexuality, with ~16-26% of asexuals also identifying as aromantic.[9] Aromantic people are not represented in the asexual flag (their flag can be seen to the right[18]).


Video source: [21]

The Role of Community and Representation

The queerplatonic pride flag[22]

The asexual community is incredibly diverse, with a range of identities and experiences. Things can quickly get complicated with all of the identities and micro-labels, so many people choose to use the term “ace” when outside of the community to make their experiences more easily understood.[19] The asexual flag plays a critical role here, acting as a unified symbol for a complex variety of experiences and creating a visible identity for the ace community within the LGBTQ community.

Amatonormativity assumes that everyone wants to, and should have a monogamous sexual relationship. In the ace community, things operate a bit differently. There is more emphasis on the strength and importance of platonic relationships, with unique relationship forms such as queerplatonic partnerships[2] (the queerplatonic flag can be seen to the left[22]). Queer discourse typically asserts that sexual attraction is an innate aspect of human life, but asexuals combat this assumption, challenging compulsory sexuality and showing that sex is not a necessary part of being human.[4] The purple stripe of the asexual flag symbolizes the importance of community and solidarity, a foundational value for ace individuals navigating a world structured by amatonormative assumptions.

The lack of general education and visibility of asexuality leads to its erasure and judgement. The creation of internet forums like AVEN opened the door for asexual people to connect with anyone around the world, hosting discussions and community.[2] Proper representation in the media and conversations about sexuality is so important. Many asexual people describe feeling relief upon finding the asexual community,[20] as it proves they are not just “confused” or “frigid”. It is healing to realize that you are not alone in your feelings, and seeing yourself represented in the media allows people to envision new possibilities for themselves.[19] Whether asexuals are included within the LGBTQ community is often debated. While 88% of asexuals felt that it should be included under the LGBTQ umbrella, only 11% felt that they were welcome.[20] Some asexual people feel uncomfortable in queer spaces due to their overly sexual nature. Many ace people consider themselves to be LGBTQ, starting out by simply identifying as non-straight and later adopting the asexual label.[19] Without proper representation, harmful stereotypes and misconceptions can spread about the ace community. Taking steps to educate yourself about asexuality can help to reduce the burden on asexual people.[1]

Challenges and Misconceptions

Common misconceptions about asexuality[23]

With asexual erasure comes a host of myths and harmful beliefs about ace people. It is important to note that asexuality is not a disorder and it is not the same as celibacy. People may confuse it with male hypoactive sexual desire disorder or female sexual interest/arousal disorder, but these diagnoses are entirely separate conditions from asexuality.[8] The lack of knowledge about asexuality in healthcare settings often leads to discriminatory practices.[1] A surprising statistic is that asexual people are 10% more likely to be offered or given conversion therapy than other sexual orientations. These issues can be combated through the use of inclusive language, requiring informed consent for any procedures or referrals due to asexuality, and leaving any assumptions at the door.[1] The asexual flag is also a tool to combat such erasure and misconceptions, visually challenging stereotypes and promoting inclusivity in discussions about healthcare and rights.

Ace people can struggle to make sense of their own experiences or be told that they are simply confused, dismissing their struggles unfairly.[9] They face a set of stressors that are distinct from those of other minority orientations. Social invisibility and invalidation from a lack of knowledge and representation can lead to adverse mental health outcomes like depression and anxiety.[8] A survey of asexuals found that they felt more stigma than allosexual men and women.

A common assumption is that ace people do not have sex.[2] This is not accurate, as it is completely okay to have and/or enjoy sex as an ace person. An ace person might decide to have sex for the emotional connection or for the sake of their partner’s pleasure, or they might decide not to if they are uninterested or disgusted by the idea.[3] Assuming that ace people don’t have sex also disregards other ace identities such as demisexuality. When it comes to the definition of sex, each orientation seemed to have differing opinions. The majority agreed that any non-genital behaviors were not sex, and any behaviors including penetration were considered sex.[3] An interesting difference was that more demisexual people considered kissing and cuddling to be sex when compared to ace and gray-ace people. While most people noted having past sexual experience, it was found that mainly demisexual people were interested in future experiences.[3]  

Joy and Possibilities

When I say “a-spec joy”, I’m talking about understanding – and believing – that regardless of what kind of relationship you are in, or what kind of feelings you feel, you are complete as you are. Believing that if you don’t feel sexual attraction, don’t form romantic bonds, it’s not because you’re missing something but because you are feeling something else. Some other kind of passion, some other desire or need, that still exists even if we don’t have a word for it yet. (p. 238) - Erin Young[19]

“Here is a list of things I like more than having sex: Reading. Lying flat on my back staring at the ceiling. Peeling back the skin of a grapefruit. . . . Riding my bike away from parties. How the night swallows me like a dragon. The wet heat of one body alone.” He continues, “Love is a girl who slept beside me barely touching for two years. Love is whatever kept us fed. And this is how we knew that we belonged to it.” And finally he questions the narrative that self-love and fulfillment need to rely on sex and orgasm, since “if orgasm is really what makes the body sacred then the best love I have ever known was sin or sacrilege.” (p. 1) - Cameron Awkward Rich[4]

Beyond all the struggles of asexuals, there is plenty of room for happiness, freedom of expression, and societal change. It can be incredibly easy to focus on the negativity and miss out on the little moments of joy. As the quotes above show, asexuals are not missing out, they are simply seeking different things. Many asexuals find it incredibly validating to find a relationship that fits their needs.[19] If their relationship does not include sex, it does not make it any less valuable or rewarding than any other relationship. There is a common fear that being ace will push people away, but it can also allow for deeper connections with people without the reliance on physical connection.[19] For many ace people, finding representation in symbols like the asexual flag brings a sense of belonging and empowerment. The flag itself then becomes a source of pride, representing the joy that comes from self-acceptance.

While the asexual identity is still largely misunderstood and stigmatized, cultural expectations around sex and relationships are always changing.[2] Thanks to asexual activists telling the community’s stories and pushing for visibility, the social landscape is headed in the right direction toward acceptance and freedom[19]. Taking steps to educate yourself and listen to asexual stories is a great place to start, so why not start now?

References

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 Cosgriff, S; Schneckenburger, S (2024). "Asexuality: The invisible orientation". Nature Reviews. Urology. 21(6): 321–322.
  2. ↑ 2.00 2.01 2.02 2.03 2.04 2.05 2.06 2.07 2.08 2.09 2.10 2.11 Flavelle, L (2024). "Coming up aces: Asexual voices in the archives". The Arquives.
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 3.5 3.6 Hille, J; Simmons, M; Sanders, S (2020). ""Sex" and the ace spectrum: Definitions of sex, behavioral histories, and future interest for individuals who identify as asexual, graysexual, or demisexual". The Journal of Sex Research. 57(7): 813–823.
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 4.6 4.7 Przybylo, E (2019). Asexual erotics: Intimate readings of compulsory sexuality. The Ohio University Press.
  5. ↑ "Queerplatonic relationship". LGBTQIA+ Wiki. 2024.
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 standup (2010). "The asexuality flag". Asexuality Archive.
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 bristrek87 (2010). "AVEN triangle". UBC Wiki.
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 8.2 Hayes, S (2024). "70.1 Understanding asexuality in adolescents". Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. 63(10): S97–S98.
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 9.2 9.3 9.4 Brunning, L; McKeever, N (2021). "Asexuality". Journal of Applied Psychology. 38(3): 497–517.
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 standup (2010). "Asexual flag thread". Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
  11. ↑ 11.0 11.1 bristrek (2010). "Asexual flag - Round three". Asexual Visibility and Education Network.
  12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 Baker, K (2024). "What is the asexual pride flag & what does it mean?". Good Good Good.
  13. ↑ Psych2Go (2020). "What Does It Mean to Be Asexual?". YouTube.
  14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 Schlesinger Library (2014). "Four Hamilton Sisters: Edith, Alice, Margaret and Norah, ca. 1890-1895". flickr.
  15. ↑ 15.0 15.1 Kinsey, A (1953). "Kinsey Scale". Wikipedia.
  16. ↑ 16.0 16.1 Vimopu (2013). "Demisexual flag". UBC Wiki.
  17. ↑ 17.0 17.1 Kautr (2021). "Grey asexuality flag". UBC wiki.
  18. ↑ 18.0 18.1 Whimsey, C (2014). "Aromantic pride flag". tumblr.
  19. ↑ 19.0 19.1 19.2 19.3 19.4 19.5 19.6 19.7 19.8 Young, E (2023). Ace voices: What it means to be asexual, aromantic, demi or grey-ace. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
  20. ↑ 20.0 20.1 20.2 20.3 Rothblum, E; Krueger, E; Kittle, K; Meyer, I (2020). "Asexual and non-asexual respondents from a U.S. population-based study of sexual minorities". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 49(2): 757–767.
  21. ↑ Jubilee (2021). "Do All Asexuals Think the Same? | Spectrum". YouTube.
  22. ↑ 22.0 22.1 Unknown (2016). "Queerplatonic, Quasiplatonic, or Quirkyplatonic". tumblr.
  23. ↑ k-d-t (2011). "Let's Talk About: Asexuality". Deviant Art.
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