User talk:TinaCheung

Positive things in your article:
- Interesting topic
- Clear explanation on how the human vocal cord produces sound and how the natural resonant frequency of a piece of glass can be triggered by sound waves
- Fig. 2 shows a nice illustration of the diaphragm action
- A wide range of sources are cited

Suggestions:
- While citing a specific incident and asking a question ("one would wonder how...?") in your introductory paragraph is interesting and effective at capturing the readers' attention, it is inappropriate to begin an encyclopedia article this way. The purpose of the introductory paragraph in an encyclopedia article is not to attract readers' attention, but to define the topic and/or relevant terminology in a simple and concise way.
- Some of the sentences sound a little bit subjective. For example, "It is important that the singer is loud". You may make the tone of the statement sound more objective by saying "A loud voice is required to produce enough energy to break the glass". Also, "...anyone hearing the singer would feel like they were beaten up badly" is not a fact but a subjective opinion. You may either change the tone or eliminate the statement.
- Avoid using pronouns like "it" and unnecessary words like "just". So "it just depends on the glass shape..." can be changed to "The resonant frequency of a piece of glass depends on..."
- The figures 1 and 3 on the page do not match with your topic. Make sure you replace them with relevant images/diagrams. Also, make sure you delete the links under "See Also" as they are not relevant to your topic.

Johnathan

Contents list: - May want to take out “Pipe Organ” under “Contents” 1. Organ Stops and Artificial Harmonics 2. Practical problem and solution 2.1 Open vs. closed end 3. See also 4. References

Physics content: - The subsequent paragraphs do not seem to follow the introductory paragraph - Could include more information on how pipe organs work using more of the physics we learned in our course

Clear explanations: - Content is simple and straightforward; easy to understand - Subsequent paragraphs do not seem to follow introductory paragraph; could create a smoother transition - What is the relevance of the “Practical Problem”, i.e. why is this a problem? - could use some more elaboration

References: - In-text citations?

Diagrams and photographs: - The pictures and diagrams are relevant and easy to understand, though, could you find a way to enlarge Figures 2 and 3? - Good illustration of the topic covered

Structure and length: - Overall has good organization and easy to understand; very straightforward - Could use more elaboration when explaining the problem and solution Write more! Minimum requirement is 1000 words! :)

Writing style: - Spelling looks consistent - Could further clarify what you are referring to when you are saying “This” at the end of the second paragraph or consider using semicolon to link previous sentence - Consider adding a more conclusive paragraph

Good - this topic will get you into the power (meaning watts rather than emotion) of the human voice.

CEW

Tina: the article you cite uses breathing helium to illustrate the basic physics of sound. I see only a very weak connection to the physics of music.

CEW