User talk:JonathanKwok

Hey Jonathan,

Overall I think you have a solid first draft. Most of the information is understandable, but there are small stylistic and grammatical errors that make deciphering the meaning more difficult. I will go over each section to point out the ones I noticed specifically below.

Something to look out for: you are very fond of parenthesis as a way of conveying information. Most of the time the information you put in parenthesis is either important or explained better through a link to an existing page. I recommend you consider not using parenthesis in your final draft, or using them sparingly, and more in accordance with Chris' example project (as a method of clarifying already stated information, rather than as a way to introduce new points).

In addition, if you plan on linking a term to an article explaining that term, you should put that link on the first mention of the term. For example, in the instrument section you use the word "strings" with no hyperlink, but then in the strings section below, you use the same word and choose to include a link. If you believe that this section deserves a hyperlink as a secondary refresher, you can always choose to have both contain the link. However, it is imperative that the first reference to a subject be the one with the link, otherwise if a reader does not know the terminology, they will not be able to find out until later in the article.

You are generally successful in writing in a "neutral" style, as per a Wikipedia page. You do slip up and say "we" at one point, be careful not to. Otherwise it is successful in this regard.

General edits section (you are more than welcome to ignore these edits, they are merely suggestions for grammatical and stylistic clarity)

(Intro): Instead of saying that the Pípa is in the lute family in parenthesis, you can rephrase the sentence to something akin to the following: "The Pípa (under the lute family) is a Chinese stringed instrument" --> The Pípa is a Chinese stringed instrument in the lute family Also you can add a hyperlink to the word lute, as you do so later in your article

Stylistic alteration for clarity: "There are many variations of this instrument consisting of two to six strings, and a smaller bodied variation known as the Liǔqín" --> There are many variations of this instrument, each having anywhere between two to six strings. There is also a smaller bodied variation known as the Liǔqín

History:

I recommend breaking up your first sentence into two sentences, as they both convey different pieces of information and a period would prevent the reader from feeling overwhelmed: "First prototypes of the Pípa were found in China and were dated back to 386 - 534 AD, during the Northern Wei Dynasty" --> First prototypes of the Pípa were found in China. These prototypes dated back to 386 - 534 AD, the time of the Northern Wei Dynasty

I'm not sure the next sentence fits into the "history" category exactly, to me it felt rather disconnected. I also was not entirely sure of the intended meaning: "It is played as a solo instrument, or with an orchestra to accompany ceremonial events and performances, and formal imperial meetings"

From this I know that it can be played by itself or with an orchestra, but I'm not sure if it is only played with an orchestra if it is accompanying ceremonial events and performances, or if it is the instrument itself that is used to perform these functions. I believe you should either make this clearer by splitting it into two sentences, or by adding clearer punctuation.

Instrument:

Small oversight? add the word family to the end: "The Pípa is similar to most other instruments in the Lute" --> The Pípa is similar to most other instruments in the Lute family

I would add a hyperlink to the word "fret" in case a reader does not know what they are. I would also rephrase the sentence: "It has a neck which ranges from having 12 to 26 frets" --> "It has a neck that has a range of 12 to 26 frets"

I would include a hyperlink to the word "tuned" (likely to the tuning page, this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musical_tuning being a solid option)

As I mentioned previously, I would include a hyperlink on the word strings. ("Traditionally, Pípa strings ... ")

For the last sentence, I would include a hyperlink on the term "bridge" as it has not come up before, as well as possibly "sound board". Also, you say sound board as two words up here, but everywhere else it is one word. I have edited it to one word below, as well as phrasing it slightly differently: "These strings are connected to the bridge on the sound board, and on the tuning pegs at the end of the neck." --> These strings are connected to the bridge on the soundboard, near one end of the instrument, and on the tuning pegs at the end of the neck at the other end. I would strongly encourage a picture or diagram of the structure of the Pípa somewhere near this section, to aid your description.

Wood:

New section, you need to restate the topic: "The body is comprised mainly of wood." --> The body of the Pípa is comprised mainly of wood

You do not need to parenthetically explain what a softwood is if it is not immediately relevant to the remaining article. You can simply let the hyper link explain it should the reader be curious. Also some minor structural fixes: "The soundboard is usually comprised from a softwood type (gymnosperm trees), and the backing frame is comprised from a hardwood type (angiosperm trees)" --> The soundboard is usually made from a type of softwood, and the backing frame is made from a type of hardwood.

I am not entirely sure what you mean in the following sentence, I have edited the phrasing to what I think you mean to say, but do make sure that this is correct: "It is preferred that the soundboard is made from softwood due to its light and high resonant quality, and in relation to the backing the quality of hardwood being stiff and heavy allows it to act as a frame to support the tension from the stings." --> The soundboard is generally made from softwood because of the wood's light and high resonant quality. The back is made of hardwood because it is stiff and heavy, allowing it to act as a frame to support the tension from the strings

Strings:

This is largely redundant with what you have said above. I have rephrased it to be more concise. Also once again, if you start a new heading you should not use pronouns to describe the Pípa at first:

"Most strings were silk strings which were lighter and thinner. Until it was replaced by steel and nylon strings, the newer material became stronger therefore can endure more tension, as a result the sound intensity can increase" --> Because the Pípa strings are now made of newer, stronger material, it can endure more tension, and thus its sound intensity can increase.

Added a few words for clarity, also some minor phrasing adjustments: "Traditionally musicians would use a large wooden plectrum, however modern Pípa musicians would either use a plectrum or their fingers." --> Traditionally musicians would use a large wooden plectrum to pluck the strings, however modern Pípa musicians use either a plectrum or their fingers.

The transition from description to physics feels rough. Perhaps a new subheading is required for this? (Also, I know very little about the actual physics, but is "transfer" wave correct? Do you mean to say transverse? Also, do not say "We" in a Wikipedia article: "The act of plucking creates a transfer wave that travels along the string, which then oscillates and produces the sound [4]. We can also hear the sound because the instrument does not have perfectly rigid supports, allowing the vibration from the string to pass through the Pípa and letting the soundboard to resonate as well." --> The act of plucking creates a transverse (?) wave that travels along the string, which then oscillates and produces sound [4]. This sound can be heard because the instrument does not have perfectly rigid supports, allowing the vibration from the string to pass through the Pípa, letting the soundboard to resonate as well.

Harmonics & Inharmonic Series:

I have made some small phrasing adjustments. I also recommend you hyperlink the term "Frequencies" at the very least, as this is an important word that you do not explain elsewhere. "The harmonics series is the sequence of partials, where the frequencies are integer multiples of the lowest base frequency (fundamental frequency)" --> A harmonic series is a sequence of partials, where the frequencies of these partials are integer multiples of the lowest base frequency (the fundamental frequency)

This sentence was rather confusing. I think I understood the physics behind it, but it was unclear to me as a reader. I have attempted to rephrase it (also put a period at the end of your sentence): "Given a length of a fixed string (L), the string would have a harmonic series if played at the positions L/2, L/3, L/4, L/5, L/6, and L/7 [5], therefore the lowest harmonic is the base frequency and the other positions would produce overtones" --> For example: given a length of a fixed string (L), the string will have a harmonic series if played at the positions L/2, L/3, L/4, L/5, L/6, and L/7 [5]. Therefore, the lowest harmonic is the base frequency and the other positions will produce overtones. I would recommend either moving this entire section, or adding some preface to it, as it is very technical, and hard to understand.

Move this entire sentence below the next subheading: "Inharmonicity is the phenomenon where the overtones do not follow the base frequency's integer multiple." --> not here

Inharmonicity phenomenon in Pípa strings:

I really do not understand what you are trying to say with this sentence. I have not attempted to rephrase it because I don't know what you mean. As this seems to be the crux of your entire article, perhaps you should spend more time on it. I would recommend splitting the information up into different sentences, and perhaps reducing the amount of "physics" words you use in each given sentence. This will help you convey your point to an uneducated audience better. "When playing the Pípa, Inharmonicity is prevalent as it gives the instrument its unique sound, however the musician can be affected by tuning since it is studied that tone perception is affected by the fundamental frequency and its overtones whether they are within integer multiples or not" --> I'm not sure what you meant by this, so i can't rephrase it.

Thank you for reading, and sorry this is so long. You can take or ignore as much of this as you want, it is only my personal opinion.

Thanks Douglas! That was really informative! i'll sure to fix the grammar and hyperlinks for the final edit.

Jonathan: convince me that your topic has anything to do with the physics of music. The reference you give is about medical ultrasound.

Hi Chris,

I miss read the instructions thinking the topic could be anything related to physical properties of sound. I have changed my topic to "Orchestra members' effect on sound absorption and reflection in concert hall setting". This topic i will cover how music will be affected based on clothing fabric and other fabrics on equipment in a concert hall setting, as well as correlations with directions of musical instruments. I hope this fulfills the instruction's requirement.

Thank you, Jonathan

That sounds a lot more promising. However you will have to focus it down somewhat otherwise it could be huge. For example I presume architectural acousticians have an "ISO9000 standard concert-going human being" mathematical model to assist their designs.

I'll get to size restrictions later.

CEW

Hi Chris,

The topic I had chosen, "Orchestra members' effect on sound absorption and reflection in concert hall setting", seems to abstract for me to do my wiki project on. I was hoping if I could change the topic to "Absorption of Soundwaves in Sound Pipes" http://web.b.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail/detail?vid=6&sid=fbde57e9-887d-4d54-b943-c5b813a5c89a%40sessionmgr103&hid=102&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#AN=90461661&db=a9h Please let me know,

Thank you, Jonathan Kwok