The Phenomenon of Chosen Family in the LGBT Community 2

What is Chosen Family?

Chosen family in the LGBT community is a phenomenon where people who identify on the LGBTQ+ spectrum prioritize and value the opinions and relationships of friends over their blood relatives. These friends replace their blood family and become their chosen family. This occurs for a variety of reasons, but mainly because the LGBT person does not feel adequate support and acceptance from their blood relatives, especially parents, and is forced to turn to the people from whom they do receive that support. The person generally has this group of people as their chosen family until they receive the full unwavering support of their blood relatives, but for many individuals that does not happen for years or ever. The chosen family often, but not always, consists of other people on the LGBTQ+ spectrum who may be going through the same struggle as them, and they trust, love and sometimes live with their chosen family just like a blood related family. Until the world is a more inclusive place, this phenomenon will continue to exist within the LGBT community.

Chosen Family within the elderly LGBT community

Chosen family is an increasingly strong influence on the care of the aging and elderly LGTB community. Within the straight community, an estimated 85% of elder care is provided free of cost by younger relatives. The LGBT community is completely different, with almost 90% of elder care being provided by spouses, partners and friends who are of the same age group. LGTB older couples are much less likely to have children than their straight counterparts, creating fewer adult children to take on their care. This is where the phenomenon of chosen family comes forward, in that there is an extremely high level of caregiving in the LGBT community outside of marriage and blood relation. This is entirely due to chosen family, and the strong bonds that especially older LGBT adults (due to more active and common discrimination in their youth) have had to form with their friends over their blood relatives. This is considered both and good and bad thing by medical professionals, as the seniors do have care, but sometimes it is provided by people who are not themselves in good health, creating more problems.

Chosen Family when there are children involved

The idea of chosen family becomes much more complicated when an LGBT couple decides to have a child. When a child is brought into the picture, it is much more difficult mentally for the parents to make the decision to introduce their child to the chosen family as the child’s official family, or to go back to their blood relatives and have that be their child’s family, even if the parent still does not want to be associated with their blood relatives. In the present, studies show that LGBT people with bad relationships with their blood relatives still define their family to include mainly their chosen family members when a child comes into the picture. However, what is shifting now that we are coming into a more accepting era in the western world, is that chosen family is now occasionally, usually when children are in the picture, starting to include choice blood relatives. An LGTB person might have a bad relationship with their parents and grandparents, but consider their siblings or cousins to be a part of their chosen family. Therefore, a balance is being struck between chosen family being strictly friends or strictly blood relatives, and this is considered to be a very positive change.

Racial Diversity and Chosen Family

Within the LGBT people of colour community, chosen family is formed differently, as many people of colour consider remaining within their cultural community very important. Studies have shown that LGBT people of colour face two more layers of discrimination than white LGBT people. They face not only discrimination from the world for being people of colour, but face discrimination from their cultural groups for being LGBT+, making a different and more difficult process of creating their chosen family. So therefore when creating their chosen family, they must consider carefully individuals who will support them, as they have multiple layers of discrimination facing them from all different people in their lives. They must weigh the importance of remaining within their cultural community and extending their chosen family to others from different communities who may be more supportive of who they are, if they are not fortunate enough to be able to form a full chosen family from their culture. So therefore, LGTB people of colour have a much more complicated time selecting a chosen family, as they have more layers of discrimination and many people place an importance on staying connected to their cultures.  

Summary

Chosen family is a positive outcome of a bad situation for LGTBQ+ people. It is something that is unique to this community, and impacts them at all stages of life. When they are elderly it impacts their care, when they are becoming parents it impacts who their child calls family. It also differs and complicates for people of colour when they are trying to stay connected to their community and culture. The concept of chosen family is evolving to include both friends and blood relatives, and will continue to change as the world’s attitude towards the LGBT community evolves.