Marriage and Kinship

Marriage is defined as the legal union of two (or more) people for life. Throughout history, forms of marriage have existed in all known societies.

My Parents, 1994 (A Catholic Wedding in the Philippines) Doves are typically a symbol of purity.

Some Types of Marriages

Monogamy

Perhaps the most intimate form of marriage, monogamy is the marriage bond between two persons. It is a type of marriage that involves an individual to form a relationship with only one partner, hence mono. The couple involved is typically expected to form emotional and physical intimacy between each other.

Polygamy

Polygamy is the union of more than two persons. In polygamy, both polygyny and polyandry exists. Polygyny consists of a man having more than one wife, whereas in polygamy, a woman takes more than one husband. Polyamory, as defined by Oxford Dictionary, “the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all people”, here it may be considered as group marriage.While polygamy is found is many cultures in the world, it is generally considered to be socially unacceptable in many parts. Polygyny is more common than polyandry, and typically only occurs if a man is wealthy enough to support his wives and the children they are to bear him.

Marriage by Capture

Marriage by capture also referred to as bride kidnapping, is the act of forcibly taking a woman to become one’s bride. This custom appears in some cultures and was tolerated by many at some time. In eastern Indonesia, if a man’s offer to marry a woman was resisted, he would hide, watch her and seize the opportunity to capture her once it arises. Her family would then follow him to his house where a group of his friends and family members await to fight the woman’s family. If they are successful at fighting them off, the man will keep the woman in his care for months, wait for the situation to “quiet down” and negotiate with the woman’s family. It is then implied that such negotiations lead to marriage. Similar reports are not uncommon in other villages. However, marriage by capture is no longer acceptable. It is argued by [[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Ferguson_McLennan#Publications | John F. McLennan]] that such a custom exists based on the fact that in earlier times, men in exogamous tribes captured women from other hostile tribes as a means of finding a wife. Other scholars have offered counter arguments regarding the origin of marriage by capture. One of these explains that bridal captures are caused by a woman’s prudery. Another one involves the “genuine resistance” of marriage by the woman and her family.

Arranged Marriage

An arranged marriage is a marriage between two people in which one or both have little to no influence on the selection of one another. Many cultures throughout history have practiced such customs. Different groups have different ways of determining the eligibility for marriage. In some cultures marriage, it is not only the union of two people but also the joining of two families together, often times social status and wealth are factored in. In this type of marriage, parents usually have control over the decisions made for the bride and the groom. Although this practice of marriage is common today, it continues to be a topic of concern. This is due to the fact that the couple, especially the bride, have no control over the decision-making in the marriage. This type of arrangement typically views women as a commodity and as such often leads to women being “subjugated and mistreated”. Further, it is noted that in cultures where arranged marriages occur, the status of women are of lower value than men’s. As a result, domestic abuse and violence towards women is then not unheard of in such practices.

Common Wedding Traditions

The Proposal

In earlier times a man would ask the woman’s father for her hand in marriage. This is due to the fact that women were considered to be “property”. As times passed, women earned their freedom and men directly proposed to them, only asking their fathers as a formality. Getting down on one knee showed humility and respect, and conforming to chivalry, women were to be respected at all times. As a result, men go down on their knees when proposing to their future brides.

The Wedding Ring

Weddings rings have different origins and symbolisms in different societies and cultures. However, originally, it was only the groom who gave the bride a ring to wear. It is believed that one wears the ring on the fourth finger of the left hand because an artery in the said finger directly connects to the heart. However, there has been no scientific evidence to prove this. The Romans wore iron rings to represent the strength of the new bond. Sometimes the rings had tiny keys embellished onto the side to show that the husband entrusts his wife with half of his wealth.

The Bridal Veil

Generally, brides wore veils to conceal themselves from harmful spirits. However, in some Eastern countries, the bride is veiled from head-to-toe to symbolize her submission and reservation to her husbands. She would remain unveiled until she and her husband reach the nuptial chamber. The bridal veil is also believed to stem from the customs of Purdah. The wearing of the veil arises from the belief that a woman should not be looked on by any man, not even her future husband. Unveiling the bride represents the groom’s “privilege” to see his wife.

Tying the Knot

In some marriage ceremonies, a rope is tied around the bride and the groom. In others, pieces of their garments are tied together. Generally, the knot is meant to signify the union between the two.

The Wedding Dress

The colour of the bride’s wedding dress is important. In many cultures, black meant death or bad luck. In western countries, yellow is jealousy while green is forsaken, therefore such colours should never be worn by the bride. Blue and white are the recommended colours for they symbolize truth and purity, respectively. In more sentimental days, the bride was to wear:

Something old, something new – Something borrowed, something blue

In Chinese weddings, the bride wore red to symbolize love and joy. Japanese brides wore white silk while Spanish brides married in black.

Tossing of Bouquet and Garter

In earlier times, it was believed that a bride’s wedding dress brought luck. Therefore, guests in weddings would tear off pieces of the dress as souvenirs. To avoid this, the bride would toss her bouquet of flowers to unmarried women while the bridegroom would toss his garter to unmarried men. It was said that whomever catches them would marry within a year, though not necessarily to each other.

Bridesmaids

In primitive marriages, young people dressed similarly to the bride and the groom and surrounded them believing that evil spirits would not be able to distinguish between them and do the couple harm.

Dowry

While the dowry system is no longer customary today, it was quite common in Europe and Asia until the early twentieth century. A dowry is the amount of wealth (whether in terms of land, money, and other possessions) that a bride brings into a marriage. Much criticism is met about the bride's control over this wealth. Typically, the bride's parents have control over this wealth pre-marriage while control is passed on to the husband post-marriage. This then raises questions about the bride's right to property. Dowries have also been an instrument of negotiation between families in attempt to outbid other offers of marriage. In this sense, brides are used as chess pieces that allow families to gain wealth through marriage. Furthermore, there have been several reports in history and in current times about bride killings and/or violence against brides due to insufficient dowries. For this reason, scholars and activists have dubbed dowries as not only compensation for the loss of the daughter's labour in the family, but also as incentives to act violence upon women.

Marriage Law in Canada

Marriage laws varies around the world, in Canada, as stated by the Government of Canada “it is against the law to be married to more than one person at a time” and that “it is also against the law to marry someone in Canada if one of you is already married”. In other countries marriage by capture may occur, but in Canada, “it is illegal to force anyone into marriage”. More information on family and marriage law: Family Law in Canada

Religion and Culture Influence

It is important to acknowledge the significant role of religious beliefs in determining the ways in which how the wedding ceremony is done and more importantly, it shapes the institution of wedding itself. In western countries, wedding is often associated with being held in the church with the bride wearing big white dress; however, especially for weddings in Asian countries, weddings are done according to the teachings of their religions.

Christian Wedding

Christian weddings are usually held in a church, led by the pastor. Most Christians follow a set format though variations are allowed in various countries. A Christian marriage may begin with pre-wedding ceremony events where it includes picture taking and a prelude. This is then followed by the wedding ceremony of which includes the processional, opening remarks (Call to Worship, The Opening Prayer), followed by the seating of the congregation, giving away of the bride, the pledge, wedding vows, exchanging of the rings, lighting of the unity candle, the kiss and the presentation of the couple. See Christian Wedding Ceremony: A Complete Outline for a list of some elements found within a Christian Wedding. According to BBC, “Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. It is the right atmosphere to engage in sexual relations and to build a family life. Getting married in a church, in front of God, is very important.”

Muslim Wedding

A little different from the Christian wedding, in Muslim wedding the bride usually wears the traditional wedding dress according to the place where the wedding took place, although they are also allowed to wear the big white wedding dress. Instead of declaring their vows to each other, the groom will shake hands with the bride’s father and declare his vows. This process will be done in front front of the families and friends of both families and the presence of the witness is required. In countries where the majority of the people are Muslim, such as Indonesia, the bride and the groom would be separated until the groom has done his vow to the bride’s father. Again, contrasting with the concept of marriage from a Christian point of view, “In Islam, marriages are not considered to be 'made in heaven' between 'soul-mates' destined for each other; they are not sacraments. They are social contracts which bring rights and obligations to both parties, and can only be successful when these are mutually respected and cherished.”

Chinese Culture

In Chinese weddings, the tea ceremony is an important ritual that can be considered the same as exchanging vows between the bride and the groom; however, these days, the tea ceremony is usually done before exchanging the wedding vows. According to the Chinese culture, “Tea is the symbol of purity, stability and fertile. The purity of tea represents the love is pure and noble; the stability of tea stands for faithful love; the fertile of tea represents the family will have many children” Wedding tea ceremony is still commonly practice in Southeast Asian countries such as Singapore, Hong Kong and Indonesia. During the tea ceremony, the groom and the bride will serve tea to the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles from both sides of the family. During the ceremony, after the newlyweds serves the tea, the couple whom they just served the tea to will give them wedding presents that is usually valuable such as jewelry.

Criticism of Marriage

Although marriage is defined as the union of two people, it is met with criticism that such union is rarely an equal partnership. In many cultures, the bride’s family is paid by the groom to compensate for the loss of labour that their daughter has contributed. This is called brideprice. In return, the bride would then provide her husband domestic labor as his wife, in addition to taking care of the children she would bear him. In short, a man basically buys a woman off of her family. Because this means she is one’s property, she cannot hold properties of her own. In addition, in modern days, studies show that married women have fewer employment opportunities than married men due to their responsibilities to the household and childcare as a wife and a mother.

Gendered Nature of Weddings

Women are usually heavily involved with the preparation and planning of wedding ceremonies. The bride’s mother and her bridesmaids usually accompany her when picking out her wedding dress, for example. The center of attention is typically focused on the bride. She is the most important person in a wedding, with the bridegroom taking only a secondary role. It is believed that this is because the bride is allowed one big day before she is subjected to a lifetime of servitude to her husband. There are also traditional wedding practices that are highly gendered in nature. An example of this is the bride’s father walking her down the isle to meet her future husband, as if physically handing her down to him.

Heteronormativity in Marriage

(Edit by Ayden Ross) The gendered nature of marriage is tied inextricably to the heteronormative constructs that govern it, particularly in Western society. In its current state, marriage "naturalizes, reproduces, and intertwines existing gender power dynamics (masculine superiority) and heterosexual desire". Since marriage is seen as the culmination of romantic love, and general society views only heterosexual romantic love as natural and morally right, marriages between non-heterosexual partners do not fit the narrative of idealized performative relationships. In Western society there has been resistance about the existence of non-heterosexual marriages. The Defense of Marriage Act in the United States, which had effectively banned gay marriage in thirty-five states by 2001, also challenged domestic partner statutes and custody rights. Although as of 2015 37 states have legalized same-sex marriage, there are still 13 states with bans in effect. In some jurisdictions, homosexuals are seeing an increase in gain of equality whereas in other jurisdictions, some face legal repressions. Increase in equality could be the “right to goods and services, employment and relationship recognition”. When marriage becomes a privilege and not a right, there are other aspects to a relationship that become affected— such as the right to see one’s critically ill partner in hospital, which is often only allowed to legal spouses. As such a powerful institution and series of legal constructs, marriage can be used as a tool of heteronormative power over couples that don’t fit the narrative. Even within the construct of legal same-sex marriage, many people struggle to maintain their identities and not fall into traditional gender-specific roles. There is a common conception amongst uneducated heterosexual people that one member of a same-sex couple should “be the woman” and fall into a more domestic role, whereas one should “wear the pants” and become financially supportive and more dominant in shared decisions. With this basis of marriage and with the bias of assumption constantly on them, some same-sex couples act out “performative resistance” and work to unlearn what society has taught them both about gender roles and marriage so that they may better find equality within their relationship. These are acts and criticisms of the heterosexual idealistic narrative of marriage.