GRSJ224/arrangedmarriages

Definition

An arranged marriage is the practice of parents and other family members finding a spouse for their children. This practice is largely found in Asia and Africa.

Traditional Arranged Marriages

Originally, in a traditional arranged marriage, only parents and other elderly relatives would select their child’s spouse. They would choose a person based off of their caste, religion, and social and economic standing. Typically, the bride and groom would meet the day of their wedding and have minimal contact beforehand.

There are many social norms and expectations that shape an arranged marriage. The caste system plays a big role, as it defines whom a person can or cannot marry. Divorce is socially unacceptable in India, which makes it a much more difficult situation for women than men. Women found that they would make a lot of sacrifices to make their marriage work, as opposed to finding a way out of it. Men have a powerful role in marriages and would limit how much their wives could interact with people outside their home; they did this so that their wives would stay dependent on them.

India has one of the lowest ages of marriage. Women used to be very young when they got married. The Age of Consent Act of 1891 had set the age of a consenting bride to be 12 years old. Since then, the Sharda Act in 1929 increased the minimum age to 14 years old. A part of the reason parents got their daughters married so young was because it lessened the chances of the daughters having a bad reputation. There is a concern in Indian society that the daughter’s value shouldn’t be damaged in the marriage market. In practice, however, it wasn’t even about her sexual activity. If a woman was even friends with a male, she was in danger of ruining her reputation.

It was normal to live with the groom’s family after marriage. Majority of new couples in India begin their life together living with the groom’s parents. The new bride is expected to conform to her husband’s family’s ways and lifestyle, while she leaves her own family behind. And because of the social taboo on divorce, if they were living in a joint family, the new bride was expected to adapt into the role her in-laws gave her without any complaints.

Modern Arranged Marriages

In traditional arranged marriages, women had very little to no say in choosing their husbands. In the past couple of decades, the younger generation has shifted away from the traditional arranged marriage and into a more modernized version. The biggest change between what arranged marriages look like now versus twenty years ago is that women get to have more input in choosing their husbands. Self-arranged marriages were considered non-righteous before, but now the younger generation is slowly shifting towards this method. Whether the woman chooses her own partner and gets her parents approval or if her parents bring a man and she approves, this way of joint selection is the new way arranged marriages are happening. It is also more common for the bride and groom to meet more before the wedding day.

Women’s status is changing due to industrialization, modernization, and urbanization. A woman now has the right to refuse a prospective groom, which makes there relatively fewer forced marriages happening. Also, because of law changes in gender equality (i.e. employment, divorce, abortion), women are more involved in society and have an opportunity to become more independent. This also has helped shift gender roles within the household, as a woman is no longer constrained to being just a housewife.

With the increase in technology, the way people search for spouses has changed as well. Traditionally, people would find someone through word of mouth, but in the past couple of decades, parents have been searching through ads in the newspaper or on matrimonial websites. Many young women also continue to seek an arranged marriage, as they are uninterested in becoming financially independent. Instead, they place higher materialistic expectations on their future husbands. Women still want to work, but not because they want to become the breadwinner of their family. They want to work because they can, but they still expect their husbands to earn enough to provide them a comfortable life without them having to work.

It is believed that women who have an arranged marriage are traditional and conservative, while women who choose their own groom are modern and progressive. Women try to find the balance between being traditional and modern. Some women believe that love just happens and you can’t choose who you love; however, through an arranged marriage, you can select whom you marry and get what you want. If, however, a woman says no too many times, she’s in danger of being perceived as too difficult. A woman’s reputation is still important in today’s marriage market, so she still has to be careful of maintaining a good reputation.

Marriage is still considered a holy sacrament, an obligation, and a duty. And it should be noted that the modernization of arranged marriages is predominantly only in urban areas in India. Rural areas are yet to see these significant changes.

Impact on Women

An important part of a woman’s empowerment in India is being able to make marriage decisions. Traditional arranged marriages inhibit a woman’s growth. Based off of the expectations society had on women (i.e. being able to perfectly balance all their housewife duties), this really impacted a woman’s identity. In order to keep her reputation untarnished, she would have to conform to whatever her in-laws wanted. This inhibited a woman’s intersectional identity, as up until recently, she was confined to the limits her husband and society placed upon her. Now that laws are being placed to help fight gender inequality, women are freer to pursue independence and voice their opinions when their parents consider a prospective husband.

Marriage also plays a part in changing a woman’s status in society. A woman will go from an unmarried girl to a married woman. Marriage also involves an ideological change; women go from belonging in their natal home to having to fit into their marital home. Women have also adapted the way they think about arranged marriages. Many young women have started to appropriate the arranged marriage system by making sure that it helps fulfill their personal objectives. They start to only approve of suitors who will help them achieve their personal objective. For example, if a woman wants to live abroad, she will search for a husband who already lives abroad.

Young women are also opting for modern arranged marriages because they believe that falling in love means losing power. They believe that once they fall in love, they lose the power to find and marry a man who is tailored to help fulfill their personal objectives. Women also find it unappealing for men to seek workingwomen, as it gives the impression that the man is incapable of providing for his family.

Women are trying to find a balance between being traditional and modern. While they are still confined by society, in urban areas, women have more freedom than they did a few decades ago. And while they balance maintaining their reputation and marrying whom they want, women have manipulated the arranged marriage system into a way that empowers them. They use it as a method to get the lifestyle they want to live.