Steps of Growth: My Child’s Journey
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Introduction of Lena and Ren
Lena - my first child / girl / 18 years old / pretty good at Math, Science, and Languages
Ren - my second child / boy / 3 years younger than Lena/ ADHD
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Key Characteristics
Lena
- Academics
math & science: Since she was 4, she has shown advanced ability to count and use numbers. In grade 3, she became keen on science. Coupled with her interest, her 8-year, 5th, 7th, 9th, and 11th-grade reports all said that she has been on the gifted/advanced level of Math, Science, Algebra, Biology, and Physics. Moreover, she was top 15% on ACT & SATs in terms of all Math & Science related subjects. Because of the high grades she got, she would be in AP programs.
language proficiency: At the test conducted when she was 2 years old, she scored the above-average range on language comprehension and production, and she could read a few short words and her name at the age of 4. She continued showing her high ability for language, and its significance became outstanding when she learned Spanish in grade 7. Since her skills in analyzing literature and writing are strengths, she consistently got high marks, at the same time, she also did well in history and geography.
- Attitude & Personality
From the age of 8, she had not been good at following school rules and often became upset under the stressful environment or situations she didn't like. This trend seemed to be mitigated as she grew older. As the 7th-grade report demonstrates, she could listen and follow the instructions and rules well, in addition, she got along with peers such as doing group activities. However, after she started to hang out with delinquents at school in 8th grade, her adherence declined, and her tendency to argue with friends increased. Although she has a wide variety of friends, she still gets along with those who don't behave well.
- Outside School Activity
dancing: When she was 6 years old, I encouraged her to join dance & gymnastic club. Since then, she attended the practice a lot: three times a week, enjoyed it and showed advanced talent. At the age of 10, she joined the competitive dance team, and she passed the audition of dance team in high school to go nationals.
Ren
Ren was born when Lena was three years old. When he was 5 years old, he started to show problematic symptoms struggling academics such as reading, writing, and mathematics, and social aspects as not following rules and not waiting for his turn. He finally diagnosed as ADHD, so that he had difficulties in concentrating and completing all assignment during school years. In contrast, outside of these difficulties, he enjoyed sports and extracurricular activities. Additionally, he and Lena have a good sibling relationship, and although they fight occasionally, they seem to care and support each other. As he gets old, his symptoms got lessen.
Milestones
when Lena was...
3 years old:
The son was born → made her to be a big sister and taught responsibility to take care of him
Changed the preschool → learning adapting skills
10 years old:
Lena was bullied
Ren was diagnosed as ADHD
Transition of school → still did well on academics
14 years old:
Bullied online
Interested in transgender → try to open as much as possible
Went on date with a boy
16 years old:
Started to pay attention to body → puberty
17 years old:
Used drugs → not addicted, but warned her
Relation between Researches
- Parenting Style
According to the study, since higher parenting warmth often relates to kids' fewer externalizing and internalizing issues (Rothenberg et al., 2020), I gave lots of love and was always open to my kids. At the same time, the four parenting styles demonstrate that giving kids a moderate amount of control is also necessary, so I sometimes controlled kids' behaviors by making them follow rules at home, do required homework, and engage in house chores. Thanks to such strategic parenting, both of my kids do not have major issues at school and in their personalities.
- Attachment
When Lena was 1 year old, she showed the secure-attachment like reacting uncomfortably toward being alone and playing with other kids without me. The study says that children with secure-attachment often have positive outcomes about their peer relations and skills to cope with stress when they get old (Lecture, Parenting Part 2, Sep 25). In contrast, Lena has been showing the unstableness of her emotional control and seems not to have good stress coping skills. In addition, she sometimes ignores rules or does a little anti-social behavior influenced by her gang friends. To see her development, the attachment may not always affect kids' personalities in their entire life, but more about the environment they are surrounded impact on their morals and personalities.
- School Transition
Based on the course material, students' academic skills, motivation, and confidence tend to decline after school transitions (Lecture, Schooling Part 2, Nov 1). This is usually because achievement goals and teachers' beliefs differ in high school from what they were currently expected. So that I was worried about Lena's school transition. However, contrary to common research results and my concerns, Lena adapted to the situation well and continued showing her academic ability stable. As noted in the "Key Characteristics" section, Lena has been keen and good at math and science.
- Her Class Environment
Since Lena's school suggested she attend the advanced course when she gets a good grade, she was motivated, and she could show the effect of Pygmalion effect. According to the research, the group of students who are believed to be "bloomers", performing better than others, by teachers did well on their academic results and kept their motivation (Lecture, Schooling, Oct 30). As research illustrates, Lena was motivated and kept good grades by feeling that she was one of the best students.
- Parents' Openness about Sexual Things
In Lena's late adolescent period, she became interested in boys, and sexual things such as the concept of transgender. Moreover, since she started to date with a boy, I decided to talk about sexual things with her more than before. When she asked about what transgender people are like, I explored the concept with her together, and taught whatever I knew, which I believe enough open about those topics. Even when she had a boyfriend, I taught her about avoiding pregnancy briefly and made a space for her to talk anything she questioned openly. This is because I learned that being open about sexual topics will lead less child's secret keeping (Lecture, Sexuality, Nov 18). At the same time, since the frequency is also an important factor, I tried to discuss sexual topics when she wanted or needed.
How I felt about Raising Kids
Before I raised my kids, I thought parenting would be willing to let nature take its course to some degree. However, as I learned the environment or some factors can decline/increase the kids' academic, social skills, and even personality. I became careful and every time I needed to select choices, I considered how my decision would change the kids' future. Because I acknowledge that different parenting styles at an early age form kids' core personalities differently, I tried to be an authoritative parent, which overall leads to good children's sociability and moral formation. As a result, particularly Lena is close to both of her parents. Although she sometimes commits to risky/unfavorable behaviors, she knows that she can receive support from me if needed. Even when I raise my real kid in the future, I would like to be an authoritative parent, giving unconditional love and letting them do whatever they want, but educating them on what is acceptable or not.
References
- Lecture slide: Parenting Part2 (Sep 25), Schooling (Oct 30), Schooling Part2 (Nov 1), Sexuality (Nov 18).
- Rothenberg, W. A., Lansford, J. E., Bornstein, M. H., Chang, L., Deater‐Deckard, K., Di Giunta, L., Dodge, K. A., Malone, P. S., Oburu, P., Pastorelli, C., Skinner, A. T., Sorbring, E., Steinberg, L., Tapanya, S., Uribe Tirado, L. M., Yotanyamaneewong, S., Alampay, L. P., Al‐Hassan, S. M., & Bacchini, D. (2020). Effects of parental warmth and behavioral control on adolescent externalizing and internalizing trajectories across cultures. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 30(4), 835-855. https://doi.org/10.1111/jora.12566