Course:CSIS200/2025/"Nobody's Son" Left to Believe In: An Analysis of Heteropessimism in Pop Music and its Correlation to Declining Heterosexual Romantic Involvement

Introduction to Heteropessimism

Photo from Sabrina Carpenter's "Never Getting Laid" Lyric Video of an apathetic Sabrina Carpenter dancing with a man. The lyrics read "I just hope you get agoraphobia today".

Heteropessimism, coined by Asa Seresin in his 2019 article “On Heteropessimism”, describes the discontent felt and expressed by people engaging in heteronormative relationships. Despite the term being coined in the 21st century, heteropessimism is not a new trend. Jane Ward, in her article “Heterosexuality” featured in the Keywords Feminist Editorial Collective, explains that “as twentieth-century sexologists succeeded at establishing romantic and companionate heterosexual marriage as the ideal form of modern love, they also went about describing appropriate behaviour for men and women in courtship and marriage”. The “appropriate behavior” was instilled through both interpersonal communication and media, including “marriage books [and] manuals”. Ward argues that while these texts intentionally address common challenges faced in heterosexual marriages, the texts also “reveal yet another contradiction in the romantic narrative about eternal heterosexual love: they describe a status quo in which men and women commonly made each other miserable”. This status quo of misery is what heteropessimism is based upon- the notion that heterosexual love may fundamentally be flawed and “irredeemable”.

Media's Role in the Construction of Heteropessimism (1900s to Present)

Context

Cover of William J. Robinson's Book *Married Life And Happiness Or Love And Comfort In The Home*

Media addressing various flaws in heterosexual relationships have been popularized throughout history and continues to be popular today. Exemplifying historical media is William Robinson, writer and sexologist referenced by Ward, who hoped that his 1922 marriage advice manual Married life and happiness, “would address the widespread ‘disgust,’ ‘deep hatred,’ and ‘desire for injury and revenge’ that heterosexual couples felt for one another”. In doing this, Robinson implies that the aforementioned feelings are universal experiences for people in heterosexual relationships, thus posing participation in heterosexual love itself as a negative experience. 60 years later, in the 1980s and 1990s, “the rise of psychology” in everyday media further cemented heteropessimistic notions that heterosexual love is “irredeemable” by promoting gender essentialist ideas that men and women may fundamentally be socially incompatible with one another.

The Issue

By focussing heterosexual love as inherently deplorable, rather than the disparities between the socialization of men and women in patriarchal societies that cause challenges within heterosexual relationships, heteropessimism functions as an outlet for people to express their discontent with their love lives. However, because heteropessimism maintains gender essentialist ideas that issues in heterosexual relationships are universally experienced because of how men and women may naturally behave, heteropessimist expressions do not take the form of reforming social structures that may lead to inherent incompatibility, but rather by “performatively detaching” oneself from heterosexuality.

The Effects of Social Advancements on Heteropessimistic Sentiments

Cultural and Behavioural Shifts

As major feminist liberation movements have advanced people’s ability to, sexually and romantically engage with one another outside of marriage and be financially independent, Western societal standards for romantic partners have greatly evolved to be based less on people’s survival needs but rather towards finding companionship who may fulfill one’s social and emotional needs.

In “Thinking straightness”, the authors confirm this evolution, explaining that male domination had “[made] heterosexuality obligatory for women” due to more rigid “structural positions in social institutions” that forced women into roles of wives and mothers, rather than independent people. This meant that men, who “[lack] a lot of important qualities [needed] to have a successful partnership” had the ability to be in a relationship without adequately meeting their partner’s needs and/or expectations.

Graph of Total Female Marriage Rates in Canada and Quebec between 1965-2002 from Céline Le Bourdais and Évelyne Lapierre-Adamcyk's article "Changes in Conjugal Life in Canada: Is Cohabitation Progressively Replacing Marriage?" in the Journal of Marriage and Family

Examining Western heterosexuality specifically, these advancements have given people the agency to decide in what way they would like to pursue and/or avoid a heterosexual relationship. Exemplifying this is the almost 30% average decline of female marriage rates in Canada between 1965 and 2000 and the 5 year average postponement of first marriages, which both suggest that sociocultural changes have allowed people to be less forced into heterosexual commitments because of socioeconomic pressures. Thus, these sociocultural advancements have affected people’s “willingness to tolerate and even eroticize” challenges they perceive or have experienced in heterosexual relationships, inspiring more heteropessimistic expressions.

For example, Sherman Carter, author of The Second Coming, highlights that “in the 2020s, more women have publicly spoken up about embracing celibacy, often in response to men who treat them poorly”. As Carter highlights this newfound embrace of celibacy has often been from women in response to men's poor behaviour, this embrace displays an increasing comfortability publicly expressing heteropessimistic ideas that heterosexual joy is impossible.

Exalting Heteropessimism: Sabrina Carpenter's Man's Best Friend Album

Context

In August, 2025, singer-songwriter Sabrina Carpenter released Man’s Best Friend, a pop album with heavily heteropessimistic themes, that was heavily criticized throughout its release cycle for its “anti-feminist” imagery and for “centralizing men" in her songs, both as sexual partners and as problematic figures. For some listeners her choice to sing about problematic sexual partners “encourages women to… [reward] men for doing the bare minimum”, while for others it's “turning straight women’s impossible fraught feelings into playful theatre”, essentially transforming heteropessimistic feelings into digestible content.

Following the latter’s perceptions, throughout her album, Sabrina Carpenter album effectively performs her heteropessimism using camp aesthetics, a “powerful tool to challenge and destabilize heteronormative cultural standards”, most commonly affiliated with queer culture, to “reclaim a sense of pride in [her] denigrated identities”. Essentially, by centralizing problematic men in her lyricism while posing herself as interested in them, Sabrina Carpenter subversively uses her sexuality to suggest with camp aesthetics that she is heteropessimistically upset in her romantic pursuit of men because of their inadequacies.

"Nobody's Son Left to Believe In"

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  Sabrina Carpenter arm wrestles a man, she wins. Lyrics read "not anyone left to believe in"

Track 6 of Man’s Best Friend, “Nobody’s Son”, perfectly illustrates Sabrina Carpenter’s heteropessimism through its rich lyricism. In “Nobody’s Son”, Carpenter shares that there is “nobody’s son left for [her] to believe in”, after continually experiencing heartbreak in her previous heterosexual relationships. The song powerfully reflects women’s heteropessimistic “persistent lack of faith” in men in romantic contexts. Throughout the song, she exemplifies heteropessimism by expressing her discontent with men while not suggesting heterosexual culture must be changed for the benefit of either gender. This perfectly encapsulates Seresin’s “On Heteropessimism”, as he argues that “collectively changing the conditions of straight culture is not the purview of heteropessimism” but rather heteropessimism is instead a coping mechanism for the disheartening aspects of heterosexuality. Seresin argues that heteropessimism is an anticathartic form of comedy, meaning being heteropessimistic does not provide emotional nor physical feelings of relief from “the pervasive awfulness of heterosexual culture” but rather attempts to naturalize it. Through hyperbolizing her disappointment with lyrics like “probably should’ve guessed, he’s like the rest”, Carpenter comedically transforms her heteropessimistic idea that heterosexual men are inherently homogeneous and toxic.

Online Reception

babbity.kate's August 31st, 2025 Tiktok : https://www.tiktok.com/@babbity.kate/video/7544904640521882911

Tiktok user’s @babbity.kates’s video, posted to Tiktok on August 31st, intensely criticizes Sabrina Carpenter’s fans who suggest that “it was unfair of people to expect that [Man’s Best Friend would be feminist art] as “[she] cannot make feminist art because she is straight” and so album’s imagery that “perform[s] submission [or] serving a man [is not] an artistic choice” but rather just “what heterosexuality is”. @babbity.kate argues that heteropessimist conceptions of heterosexual relationship dynamic are so pervasive in Western societies that the youth who listen to Carpenter’s music believe “there is no such thing as heterosexual desire or heterosexual activity that doesn’t include the performance of female submission”. Thus, by suggesting that heterosexuality itself is intrinsically oppressive to women, the fans that @babbity.kate refer to exemplify heteropessimistic ideas that “heterosexuality is a prison” itself, rather than constructively criticizing cultural expectations that oppress women in heterosexual relationships. In doing this, Serensin argues that "the proper object of critique falls from view" and that "to be permanently, preemptively disappointed in heterosexuality is to refuse the possibility of changing straight culture for the better".

Contrasting Male and Female Heteropessimism

Male misogynistic heteropessimists, such as men involved in the Involuntarily Celibate (Incel) and Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) communities, often attribute social advancements that empower women to thrive independently from men as a cause of the challenges some men may face whilst in pursuit of a heterosexual relationships.

Incels

For incels, their heteropessimism stems from their inability to find a sexual partner, which they often attribute to personal circumstances beyond their control, such as their physical attractiveness or disabilities. In Jacob Johanssen's article “Incels, MGTOW and heteropessimism” he argues that incels “hate and love their need for women” and that incels heteropessimistically "feel they have been rendered powerless by cis women”. Thus, Johanssen explains "the black pill"- a term used by incels to describe their heteropessimistic conclusion that there is no hope for them to successfully find love within the bounds of heterosexuality.

Tying this to Serensin’s “On Heteropessimism”, taking “the black pill” is “rarely accompanied by the actual abandonment of heterosexuality”. Instead, heteropessimism is a performance in which one may articulate their resentment towards heterosexuality while still maintaining patriarchal social values that contribute to their frustrating experiences.

Such is the case with the “male loneliness epidemic”, which some incels misogynistically attribute to the advancement of women’s rights “cheat[ing] them out of their “right” to possess women” while ignoring that it is also possible for them to make efforts themselves to be more appealing to women.

Challenging this alleged cause of involuntary celibacy, Tiktok user @nicky.reardon instead suggests that women’s aversion to heterosexual romance is instead the result of “undateable men” that may not be “financially stable, mentally stable, [nor] emotionally stable” enough to meet their personal needs. This angers some incels because they may patriarchally feel “entitled to women” and, as a result, increasingly chastise women for having specific standards for their romantic partners. Thus, in incel culture, “Heteropessimism has become a framework through which men process [the] quotidian experience of romantic harm” they face in pursuit of heterosexual love.

“Undatable Men”: Sabrina Carpenter’s “Tears”

Affirming the idea that involuntary celibacy is not caused by women’s increasing power, Sabrina Carpenter’s “Tears” powerfully subverts men’s incompetence to suggest that, as a result of a possibly overwhelming amount of undatable men, in her heteropessimistic perspective, that she “gets wet at the thought of [her romantic interest]” doing simple actions like “considering she has feelings” and “doing the dishes”. Essentially “Tears” contextualizes women’s heteropessimistic “persistent lack of faith” in men to be a satisfactory partner, thus challenging incels’ beliefs that women are at fault for incel suffering “because they withhold access to sex”.

Sabrina Carpenter sings "[I get wet at the thought of you] being a responsible guy" whilst pole dancing.

Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)

For the MGTOW community, their beliefs stem from heteropessimistic notions that heterosexual relationships are unable to be fulfilling or bring joy for men. They claim that “real happiness is only possible by abandoning women and sex”, denying interdependency and heteropessimistically denouncing loving women as a possibly positive experience. To do so, MGTOW must misogynistically homogenize all women as inherently oppressive figures that should be avoided in pursuit of a happy life.

Sabrina Carpenter’s “My Man on Willpower”

Track 3 of Man’s Best Friend, “My Man on Willpower”, directly challenges MGTOW-style heteropessimism through its lyricism. She explains that the newfound “willpower” and “self-restraint” of her partner is causing him to always be “working” and not “have time for [her]”. This directly reflects MGTOW heteropessimistic devaluation of love to, as Carpenter puts it, “find…a new sense of purpose”.

Conclusion: Transforming Heteropessimism into Action

As Serensin describes, heteropessism is unique form of comedy that describes the discontent felt and expressed by people engaging in heteronormative relationships without transforming these emotions into actions that may deconstruct the patriarchal roots of mens and women's apparent incompatibility. Heterosexuality is not a prison itself; "To be permanently, preemptively disappointed in heterosexuality is to refuse the possibility of changing straight culture for the better". Instead, dissatisfaction in heterosexuality must be re-aimed at the patriarchal conditions which cause challenges in heterosexual relationships such as Western patriarchal socialization of men to be dominating, emotionally unstable, and/or misogynist. Doing so, will support the creation of a more optimistic, interdependent world in which all may feel joy in their sexualities.

About the Author

Photo of Nayis Majumder

Nayis Majumder (they/them) is a second-year student UBC student studying Gender, Race, Sexuality, Social Justice (GRSJ) living on the not-yet returned unceded traditional territories of the Hǝn̓q̓ǝmin̓ǝm̓ language group- commonly known as Richmond, B.C.. Nayis is a social event director for UBC’s GRSJ Undergraduate Association, GRSJ Program Representative at UBC's Arts Undergraduate Society, and is a Humanitarian Movement Committee Officer for the UBC Red Cross. Outside of school, they work as a Youth Development Leader at the Cambie and Hamilton Community Centres leading programs like PAINT, a safe space for queer youth to connect with one another. They are the founder and president of SHARESocialJustice, a non-profit organization dedicated to providing anti-“S”exism, “H”omophobia, “A”bleism “R”acism“ “E”ducation through informative workshops and fundraisers. SHARE has raised over $1800 towards several charities and hosted 3 city-wide events for Queer Youth in Richmond. Nayis is proud to have created, led, and facilitated three Queer Allyship workshops for the City of Richmond’s Pride Week celebration since 2022. Exemplifying their commitment to social justice, Nayis has served and continues to serve on several DEI related committees throughout their professional career- Most notably in the past: The BC Ministry of Education’s Anti Racism Working Group and SD38’s DEI committee. Currently they are an advisor on White Ribbon’s National Youth Advisory Committee for Gender-Based Violence, a member of the City of Richmond’s Youth Advisory Council, and an EDI representative in BC’s Youth Parliament.