Succinct Writing, Dealing with Jargon/Post-Class Activities
Post-Class Activities
Version 1
The activities included here are designed to give you more hands-on practice in improving your writing by making it more succinct and easy to follow. The activities serve as a follow-up to some of the skills you learned in the pre and in-class activities for this topic, while introducing some new, more specific guidelines.
Question 1 (6 marks)
When you edit your work, it is a good idea to do it on a sentence-by-sentence basis. In terms of succinctness, the best sentences are those that do not contain any more words than are required to get your point across. Consider some commonly used ‘wordy phrases’ in Table 1 below. All of these can be shortened without losing their meaning; it is your task to come up with succinct, one-word alternatives.
Table 1: Try to come up with simpler, shorter alternatives to these wordy phrases. Use just one word as your alternative for the wordy phrases below (A, B, C, D, E and F).
| Wordy Phrase | Succinct Alternative |
|---|---|
| A: Until such time as… | |
| B: An appreciable number of… | |
| C: In the event of… | |
| D: To cut a long story short… | |
| E: With the exception of… |
Question 2 (7 marks)
Another way of improving your work is to replace overly complex words with simpler ones. Although different language is suitable for different audiences, you should never be afraid to write something as simply and clearly as possible.
In this question, you need to identify and then replace the seven unnecessarily complex/potentially ambiguous words (1 mark for each word that is correctly identified and replaced with a suitable alternative). Copy and paste the paragraph before bolding the unnecessarily complex words. Then, copy and paste again and make your changes to the bolded words. Hint: If you correctly identify an overly complex word but do not come up with a good alternative, you will score a ½ mark for that word.
Having failed to make any demonstrable progress with our DNA techniques literature review, we started Thursday’s class with less zeal than we had the previous one. Although we were initially excited by the chance to read about such important science, we were soon deflated when we realized the profundity of the background material that we would have to dissolve into something more palatable for our classmates. Nobody wanted to choose an easy topic for dissemination at first, but we soon realized why reporting technical science is so challenging.
Question 3 (4 marks)
Read the following sentences and try to spot the four words that are ambiguous in some way (and which should be changed when editing, 1 mark for each word that is correctly identified and replaced with a suitable alternative). Copy and paste the paragraph before bolding the ambiguous words. Then, copy and paste again and make your changes to the bolded words. Hint: If you correctly identify an ambiguous word but do not come up with a good alternative, you will score a ½ mark for that word.
Last week, we were flying. Mike’s discovery with the new compound put us ahead of schedule. However, we still have to solve the problem of the funny smell that arises when we burn the compound. We do not know how to do this and our self-belief is low. Such an unwanted evaporation is a particularly challenging psychological element of the research process.
Question 4 (8 marks)
The final question in this post-class set of exercises is designed to make you think logically about editing your work, and to demonstrate what you have learned in this unit.
When producing a final draft of writing, you should aim to make sure all sentences:
- Are written succinctly
- Are free from ambiguous words
- Are free from overly fancy words and redundant modifiers
- Deal with jargon by either removing it entirely or by explaining its meaning (using parentheses, or commas)
The paragraph below fails on all of these levels. It is your task to re-write it so as to address the problems (8 marks). You can change the text considerably but to score highly, you must ensure that your version gets the same message across as the original and uses a similar (or fewer) number of words. Hint: There are 2 marks available for each of the four things you need to address (listed above).
We are often warned by our instructors and peers that we should try to keep up to date with our assignments, but I personally know lots of students who are loath to begin working on these until the last possible moment. Nerves in the hippocampus are thought by researchers to be responsible for stimulating emotions, such as lethargy. This malaise can often manifest itself as a passive serenity in students, which can be very frustrating to instructors. However, to their credit, these same students, who seem to be making pedestrian progress at the early stage of a course, often motor when deadlines begin to mount up. The final outcome, however, is often regret, as these students feel they could have achieved higher grades with a little more preparation, which presents a challenge to pedagogical researchers to design ways of encouraging better time management.
Version 2
The activities included here are designed to give you more hands-on practice in improving your writing by making it more succinct and easy to follow. The activities serve as a follow-up to some of the skills you learned in the pre and in-class activities for this unit, while introducing some new, more specific guidelines.
Question 1 (4 marks)
When you edit your work, it is a good idea to do it on a sentence-by-sentence basis. In terms of succinctness, the best sentences are those that do not contain any more words than are required to get your point across. Consider some commonly used ‘wordy phrases’ in Table 1 below. All of these can be shortened without losing their meaning; it is your task to come up with succinct, one-word alternatives.
Table 1: Try to come up with simpler, shorter alternatives to these wordy phrases. Use just one word as your alternative for the wordy phrases below (A, B, C and D).
| Wordy Phrase | Succinct Alternative |
|---|---|
| A: In like manner… | |
| B: On account of… | |
| C: At this moment in time… | |
| D: To cut a long story short… |
Question 2 (4 marks)
Another way of improving your work is to replace overly complex words with simpler ones. Although different language is suitable for different audiences, you should never be afraid to write something as simply and clearly as possible.
In this question, you need to identify and then replace the four unnecessarily complex words (1 mark for each word that is correctly identified and replaced with a suitable alternative). Copy and paste the sentences before bolding the unnecessarily complex words. Then, copy and paste again and make your changes to the bolded words. Hint: If you correctly identify an overly complex word but do not come up with a good alternative, you will score a ½ mark for that word.
Having failed to make any tangible progress with our DNA analyses, we begun Thursday’s lab with less alacrity than we had the previous one. Although we were initially excited by the chance to work with a real science problem, the perplexing nature of the material soon deflated us. Nobody wanted to do an easy experiment to begin with, but we soon realized why investigating previously unsolved problems is so challenging.
Question 3 (4 marks)
Read the following sentences and try to spot the four words that are ambiguous in some way (and which should be changed when editing, 1 mark for each word that is correctly identified and replaced with a suitable alternative). Copy and paste the sentences before bolding the ambiguous words. Then, copy and paste again and make your changes to the bolded words. Hint: If you correctly identify an ambiguous word but do not come up with a good alternative, you will score a ½ mark for that word.
Last week, we were flying. Mike’s significant discovery with the new compound put us ahead of schedule. Now, we just need some luck with the next stages. One problem we still have to solve, however, is the funny smell that arises when we burn our compound. It can take a while to get to know new lab partners with different personalities, but Mike and I got on famously right from the start.
Question 4 (8 marks)
The final question in this post-class set of exercises is designed to make you think logically about editing your work, and to demonstrate what you have learned in this unit.
When producing a final draft of writing, you should aim to make sure all sentences:
- Are written succinctly
- Are free from ambiguous words
- Are free from overly fancy words and redundant modifiers
- Deal with jargon by either removing it entirely or by explaining its meaning (using parentheses, or commas)
The paragraph below fails on all of these levels. It is your task to re-write it so as to address the problems (8 marks). You can change the text considerably but to score highly, you must ensure that your version gets the same message across as the original. Hint: There are 2 marks available for each of the four things you need to address (listed above).
We are often warned by our instructors and peers that we should try to keep up to date with our assignments, but I personally know lots of students who are loath to begin working on these until the last possible moment. Nerves in the hippocampus are thought by researchers to be responsible for stimulating emotions, such as lethargy. This malaise can often manifest itself as a passive serenity in students, which can be very frustrating to instructors. However, to their credit, these same students, who seem to be making pedestrian progress at the early stage of a course, often motor when deadlines begin to mount up. The final outcome, however, is often regret, as these students feel they could have achieved higher grades with a little more preparation, which presents a challenge to pedagogical researchers to design ways of encouraging better time management.
Version 3
The activities included here are designed to give you more hands-on practice in improving your writing by making sentences more succinct and easier to follow; they serve as follow-ups to the skills that you learned in the pre- and in-class activities for this unit. They also introduce some more specific guidelines.
Questions 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 (1 mark each, 5 marks total)
When you edit your work, it is a good idea to do it on a sentence-by-sentence basis. The most succinct sentences are those that contain no more words than are needed to get the point across. Consider the commonly used ‘wordy phrases’ shown in Table 1 below. They can all be shortened without losing meaning. It is your task to come up with more succinct alternatives. Use just one word as your alternative.
Table 1: Try to come up with one-word alternatives to these wordy phrases.
| Wordy Phrase | Succinct Alternative |
|---|---|
| Q1: As a result of… | |
| Q2: At this point in time… | |
| Q3: Despite the fact that… | |
| Q4: In conjunction with… | |
| Q5: Without a shadow of a doubt… |
Questions 6, 7 and 8 (2 marks each, 6 marks total)
You can also replace overly complex words with simpler ones. Although different language is suitable for different audiences, you should never be afraid to write something as simply as possible. In the following questions, replace the unnecessarily complex words with suitable alternatives Copy and paste the sentences before making your replacements. Hint: There are two words to replace in each sentence.
Q6: At any university, there are a myriad of social temptations that afflict study plans.
Q7: Allotting enough time to study is pivotal if you are to succeed in your classes.
Q8: But omitting all fun events from your schedule can cause emotional capitulation.
Question 9 (4 marks)
Read the following two sentences and try to spot the four words that are unnecessarily complex. Copy and paste the sentences and bold the four words that should be changed (1 mark for each correct answer).
Q9: We did not know it at the time, but the professor imparted a lesson of great wisdom by allowing us to flounder with our experiments. In doing do, she imbued us with a greater will to succeed and provided us with a laboratory experience that was far more congruent with reality than some other courses do.
Question 10 (2 marks)
Re-write the sentences that appeared in question 9 so that they are more concise (use fewer words) but get the same message across (1 mark), making sure you either remove all four overly complex words or replace them with more suitable alternatives (1 mark). Hint: You can change the way the whole sentences are written as long as you achieve the goals of the question.
Using Strong Verbs
By now you are hopefully more comfortable using the active voice to make sentences more succinct (see the UBC website student guide for guidance). Another reason for preferring the active voice in many situations is that the verbs associated with actions tend to be stronger. For example, rather than saying: “Calibration of the photometer was conducted,” you should say: “Ben calibrated the photometer”. In this example, the sentence is now more succinct and it is easier to understand; we know exactly who did what, and have gained this information in just four words!
Questions 11, 12, 13 and 14 (2 marks each, 8 marks total)
For the following questions, re-write the sentence in the active voice (1 mark) to make use of a stronger form of the main verb in the sentence (1 mark). Hint: The word that you should use as the main verb in your sentence has been bolded for you.
For example, “Satisfaction was apparent by the cheers of colleagues,” would need to be changed to something like: “Colleagues cheered with satisfaction,” to gain both marks for this sentence.
Q11: Categorization of the affected proteins was still achieved by the team.
Q12: The analysis of the data was done by two team members.
Q13: Destruction of the cell buffers was effected by the high temperature.
Q14: Grading of the papers was performed by the TAs.